Story Structure:

The Dark Side of Yuma is a young adult fantasy romance novel that will be written in chapters. Each chapter will be written in the third-person limited perspective from the point of view of different characters. For instance, I imagine the opening chapter as being told through the eyes of Ibeji, a traveler in the desert who proclaims that his kingdom extends as far as the eye can see just before he passes out on his camel-like creature from dehydration and exposure to the two suns in the sky. This will actually be a flash-forward. The second chapter will begin in medias res with a young prince Olorun learning of the death of his father the king, mother, sister, and a number of palace staff to a virulent illness.

The death of Olorun’s father is the inciting incident that leads to his crowning, expectation of marriage, and beginning his rule. His one remaining younger brother Kwento survived the sickness and is raised in Olorun’s household. The intricacies of the patriarchal society unfold alongside his first love affair with his young wife as the new king learns to rule. Interesting laws of note include a merit-based society that can only be circumvented by redemption (i.e. wealth), failing to prove oneself results in slavery, and each country must send resources including choice slaves yearly to the service of the religious structure and/or royal family. Interesting customs of note include a living wage for all citizens, freedom of religion and culture (as long as basic laws are met), and clear dark skin bias that is apparent in all transactions. Women prove merit by giving birth to a child and men prove merit by advancing any field as judged by a panel of elders. Olorun’s first wife is unable to bear children, so Olorun begins a quest for a wife who can birth an heir. Daughters do not count, so Olorun ends up with six wives before twin sons are born (an heir and a spare.) The saga of finding wives will be its own storyline that shows the perspective of several different women and slaves in the household.

The inciting incident that leads to the second act will be Ibeji’s birth as told through the eyes of the midwife Abeabah. He is actually the firstborn, but has obvious skin pigmentation issues, so the midwife switches him with his brother and declares Imana firstborn. The same night of the heir’s birth, the king’s brother Kwento and all his family are killed in a house fire. Ibeji must struggle from early on to overcome judgement for his skin issues (a condition like Vitiligo) and being the second-born always runner-up to his brother in his parents’ eyes. He excels in every way and overcomes numerous obstacles on his path to proving himself including earning his manhood by finding the lost crown of Olokun, the goddess of the sea. Several chapters will be written from the perspective of Ibeji’s main slave, other siblings in the royal family including Odafin (a brother from another mother), and Ala the first wife who was never able to give the king a child. The decision of Olorun to retire and crown Imana king creates a conflict for Ibeji. He must decide what he wants to do with his life.  In the midst of all the coronation activities he foils a plot by a radical organization to kill the heir by posing as his brother. His reward from his father is anything he asks for. Ibeji asks to rule some part of their world, to help his brother. King Olorun says that cannot be done. The whole world from the mountains to the sea are ruled by one king. So Ibeji asks to rule whatever is beyond the mountains and the sea. The king consents, believing such a quest to be a death sentence for his son.

Ibeji and his crew set out for beyond the mountains and the sea in act three of the narrative and experience more adventures like shipwreck, cannibals, mountain creatures that steal sight, and an endless desert that drives people insane. The story circles back to the opening scene with Ibeji unconscious, alone in the desert, near death. This chapter is from the perspective of a military woman on patrol who finds him and checks for a pulse. She puts a piece of plant between his bottom lip and teeth, then drags him on a stretcher to a camp. Her thoughts flash back to a memory of finding another man in the desert with a similar tattoo some 20 years past. He pleaded for his wife and children to be saved, but they were all dead by the time they were found. This soldier vowed then and there to search harder and faster as soon as one was found and since then had saved over 88 people from the desert. She went on to fall in love with the man she found and he became her beloved. Flitting moments of consciousness through the eyes of Ibeji reveal that some of his party have also been rescued and the camp they have been brought to is a lush oasis with beautiful women, plenty of resources, and a completely different society than they have ever seen. It is a matriarchal system with women running everything and men being seen as less-than. He is introduced to his uncle Kwento that he had only heard stories of. He is told the truth about his family’s fate, that all are killed with the death of the king or the birth of the next heir. By way of resolution, he and his crew are welcomed into the oasis society as long as they are willing to follow the rules and make themselves useful. The strangeness of this new society is barely introduced by the end of the novel, but enough to pique the interest in another novel to come about The Bright Side of Yuma.

Character Objective: 

Ibeji desires to prove his worth and compensate for his mottled skin coloring. Ultimately, he wants to rule a kingdom.

Scene Breakdown: 

Ch. 1 – Ibeji perspective –  Ibeji is on a camel-like creature the size of a giraffe with zebra stripes the color of sand. He is barely conscious and fading. There is dessert as far as the eye can see. He passes out and falls from the giant creature. The creature keeps walking.  

Ch. 2 – Olorun perspective – The 15-year-old young man is told that his family is dead except for him and his younger brother Kwento. He will now be crowned king, must marry quickly, and begin his reign.

Ch. 3 –  Ala perspective – This young 15-year-old girl falls in love immediately with King Olorun. Their romance is sweet and tender. After an exciting pregnancy, their first son is stillborn. They both grieve, but comfort one another and will keep trying.

Ch. 4 – Sulola perspective – She is chosen as a 2^nd wife for Olorun because Queen Ala continues to have miscarriages. Sulola is ordered to give her firstborn child to Queen Ala when it is born; but begin by showing life in her country…peaceful and pleasant, happy family, but she is too beautiful…chosen as the girl to be given to the higher purpose (doesn’t know until she gets to the island that she will be a queen)

Ch. 5-7 – Kwento perspective – tell of Sulola’s daughter, proves self, falls in love with Sulola, gets her pregnant, king marries again and gets wife pregnant, Sulola has not been with the king in a long time so they hatch a plan for her to petition the king to give her a child, go in to the king and get him really drunk, tell him afterward that they had sex, Kwento gets married, son, Sulola has her own daughter (by Kwento), Obba 3^rd wife also has daughter

Ch. 8 –Lulu  Isoken’s mother – tells of her daughter being taken 4^th wife, gives birth to twin daughters

Ch. 9 – Mobo perspective – Proves self, name changed to Ogun. Chosen as the gift from a country to go to the island because he was the best swordsman. Fine with it because he only wanted to serve. 14 when he proved himself and was chosen. Leaves family behind.

Ch. 10 – Maha  5^th wife’s servant perspective – 5^th wife, pregnant with son (she believes), did not have a baby within a year, so Olorun took a 6^th wife, race to give birth, took herbs to try to have her son come out first

Ch. 11 – Sulola perspective – 2^nd wife gets pregnant by Kwento again; tells Kwento she will go with him; then at the last minute goes to the King to be with him to ensure the baby is seen as a prince or princess; does not go with Kwento

Ch. 12 – Abeabah (Midwife) perspective – 6^th wife having twins, switches babies at birth (hints of Ogun possibly seeing the switch); 5^th wife also gives birth to baby shortly after the twins; news of Kwento and his family fleeing

Ch. 13 – Odafin perspective – best friends with Ibeji and Imana; adventures and scuffles at 9; oldest of 6 brothers; in line for the throne if the twins die; determined to keep them alive because he does not want to be a king. That looks super boring. The twins get a new brother.

Ch. 14 – Ibeji perspective – He decides to prove himself on the greatest quest ever! He wants to find the lost crown of Olokun, the goddess of the sea.

Ch. 15 – Ogun perspective – Tells of the quest. Sailing, battling sea monsters, the treacherous storms of the southern seas, reaching the black snows of the south, finding the cave where the crown has been hidden for thousands of years, and Ibeji retrieving the crown.

Ch. 16 – Ibeji perspective – The long trip home is easier now that they know how to avoid the pitfalls, the arrival home, meeting his new baby sister, and presenting the crown to king. He has proven himself and is now a man. (So has Odafin.)

Ch. 17 – Sulola perspective – She is having secret meetings with her birth daughter that was given to the first wife and their grandchildren because it makes Ala jealous when she sees them together.

Ch. 18 – Ibeji perspective – He goes along with Imana for him to prove himself on a journey to kill the three-horned beast of the eastern jungles. Multiple near death experiences bring them closer together, but Ibeji also starts to worry about Imana’s ruthlessness.

Ch. 19 – Zane (Sulola & Kwento son) perspective – A tournament of champions takes place in the capital of Szansila. Zane wins the bow and arrow competition (proving himself); His brothers win many prizes, too. Imana wins the curved sword competition, but kills his competitor rather than sparing him. Ibeji does not agree with his choice. Ibeji wins the overall competition.

Ch. 20 – Imana perspective – A battle with uprisers has been building. Now that he and Ibeji are 18, they will accompany their father to the lands where some of the troops are fighting. The rebels want the royal family destroyed, their own children not taken as slaves, women to have more equality, and relax the achievement requirements.

Ch. 21 – Ibeji perspective – Rebel woman captured and tells Ibeji tales of a world beyond the mountains where women rule and men are slaves. She is put to death, but before she dies she tells Ibeji his whole family will be dead soon anyway, so there is no point to all that he is doing. Ibeji keeps pondering what she is talking about and decides she was issuing idle threats.

Ch. 22 – Olorun perspective – The battle must be won because the entire economic system depends on unity. He confers with Imana and they decide to slay all who are related to the rebels. I beji does not agree, but his wishes are not taken into consideration.

Ch. 23 – Ibeji perspective – Everyone is put to death whose men partook in the uprising. They squash the 11 countries that have banded together.  They spare the young women as spoils of war to be concubines. Ibeji lets a household live while they are going door to door killing families. His brother comes along behind him and kills them. Ibeji is furious and confronts his brother afterward. Imana demands his obedience as he is his future king. Ibeji stands down.

Ch. 24 – Maha perspective – Imana is preparing to take over the throne and getting married. There is pressure on Ibeji to get married, as well and women are constantly being paraded in front of him as possible wives. Ibeji discovers the plot to kill and Ibeji decides to save him, though he tempted to let him die. Ibeji saves Imana.

Ch. 25 – Ibeji is offered whatever he likes for saving his brother and he asks for land to rule. His father grants him the land beyond the mountains and the seas. He starts planning; the king gives him a sword; Ibeji says his goodbyes.

Ch. 26 – Zane  (Kwento’s son) perspective – He sneaks onto the ship as a stowaway; they head off with excitement; he steals food and hides behind a panel below deck. He sneaks around at night and falls in love with the whole adventure. He is eventually discovered below deck, but they are too far from home to turn around. They will send him back at the next port. Instead, his protector catches up by boat with the message from his mother that he may stay on in the journey if Ibeji will have him. She is not happy, but will let him be a man.

Ch. 27 – Ogun perspective – Land in port town and buy supplies to make it to the mountains; carts and horses, food and drinks. Ogun thinks this is a suicide mission but is with Ibeji to the end. It turns out he likes men…finds a brothel…

Ch. 28 – Odafin perspective – Gnome men are more dangerous than they appear. They must find a way to convince these mighty tiny warriors that they respect them in order to receive their help. Once accomplished by battling them like men, they are able to purchase the mountain equipment they need. They must weather mountain climbing in freezing cold temperatures. They are bundled up in furs, but some die on the mountain, including Ogun who cuts his own line to save Ibeji.

Ch. 29 – Kali  (Woman servant) perspective – They make it to base camp on other side of mountain. She asks if they can just stay there. They purchase camel-type creatures, water flasks, linen garments and scarves that keep the sun from burning the skin. They start out in the rocky terrain, move on to grasslands that still have some pools of water, but it slowly turns to dry ground with cracks and eventually becomes sand as far as the eye can see; Bandits attack and kill a few and steal some camels and supplies.

Ch. 30 – Katsu  (Military Woman) perspective – She is on patrol and finds Ibeji in the sand alive but unconscious.

Ch. 31 – Ibeji perspective – He wakes up at an oasis camp and is introduced to his Uncle Kwento; he learns of this matriarchal system that he must agree to comply with if he wants to live…then he may stay. He decides for his entire group that they will comply and all agree.

Ch. 32 – Maowai (Religious leader) perspective – She speaks to the congregation and says that danger has entered their realm. These are men from another world who claim to have power over women. “When some have come before, we have had to kill them, castrate them, imprison them, and blind them to keep them from hurting us. Nothing good comes from welcoming in this many men. The stars are speaking to me and it is not good.” It is revealed that one of Ibeji’s men has raped a girl, so he is put to death. Ibeji does not intervene because he has agreed to follow their customs.

Ch. 33 – Zane (Kwento’s son) perspective – Kwento realizes the boy is his and begins to ask him about his family. Kwento finds out Zane’s sister is alive and is surprised when Kwento begins crying. He takes Zane under his wing and teaches him the ways of the women’s world.

Ch. 34 – Ibeji perspective – He thanks the women for their kindness, but tells them he must move on because he must find a land he can rule. The women laugh at him because men don’t rule. Some of his group decide to stay with the oasis women, but the rest head off and are given their weapons back because they have earned trust. Maowai stares in disbelief and shakes her head cursing as they leave.

Significant Story Points: 

• The exposition could be considered chapters 2 through 11 since the character of interest is Ibeji and he is born in chapter 12. It will give the background, customs, history, and family lines of Ibeji to make his entire saga make sense. This is intended to be a 3-book series, so it makes sense to have quite a bit of background.
• The climax is the collapse of Ibeji when he seems to fall to his death in the desert.
• The falling action is Ibeji waking up in the oasis camp and learning the fate of his crew and the strange world he has found.
• The denouement is Kwento’s discovery that Zane is his son.
• The resolution is Ibeji’s willingness to learn the ways of the women, but still wanting to travel on to find the place he can rule.
• Tension and resolution:
• There are multiple points of tension between Ibeji and his brother as they are finding that they would rule in different manners.
• There is tension as King Olorun marries woman after woman in hopes of the birth of a son and his plans are constantly thwarted. There is finally resolution when three boys are born on the same day.
• Tension occurs between the 2 mothers of Ada and is only resolved by secrecy.
• Tension exists between the families losing their children to the ruling class and religion. It will lead to conflict in the form of rebellion and war.
• Tension occurs when Kwento runs away and asks Sulola to come with him. She must decide whether to stay in safety or go with her true love. The resolution is heartbreaking when she decides to remain.
• Tension occurs in the scene with the rapist who cries out for Ibeji to save him from the death penalty, but Ibeji honors his commitment to the women of the community.
• Conflict of Characters:
• The main conflict is within Ibeji as he is deciding what he wants to do with his life since he cannot be the ruler of the land.
• He must also deal with the conflicting ways in which society judges his skin condition, though he is in a position of privilege by birth.
• He also has conflict with Imana because he does not agree with the way he wields his power.
• The wives have conflict amongst themselves.
• There is war that is literal conflict. It is also ideological because the rebels are wanting to change key human rights laws and make the world a safer place for all people, including women.
• When Ibeji makes it to the world beyond the mountains and the sea, his entire world view conflicts with a matriarchal society.
• Impact of Conflict:
• Ibeji is forced to look at the reality of his father’s rule and his brother’s intentions as ruler. He is able to formulate the possibility of a different way of governing.
• Ibeji begins to question the skin-biased culture in which he lives and begins to reconcile power and humility within himself.
• Ibeji is still struggling by the end with the conflict that the Queens create. He does not know the answer, but has begun to believe that his father’s way is not the best.
• He fights in the war, but begins to question his beliefs when confronted with valid arguments of the human rights abuses committed so that he can continue his way of life.
• His mind is blown and he is still reeling at the end of the novel from the matriarchal society he has found. It is hinted that he assumes this is a strange little microcosm he has found and more than likely will be able to carve out his own kingdom elsewhere, which implies he still has more to learn in the next novel.

Setting Details – Place and Time:

This story takes place on Yuma, a planet in the galaxy Tamashi Hoikuen. Yuma is part of a binary solar system with five planets total. The orbit of Yuma around the two stars is widely elliptical creating 10-hour cycles of light and dark. Yuma has two moons, Chikara who orbits Yuma, and a moon’s moon Iwa who orbits Chikara. At any given moment, there may be two daystars and two moons in the sky, or none at all. Stars from their own galaxy and beyond are always visible when it is dark.

Only the eastern hemisphere of the planet will receive much attention in this first novel because it is telling the story of the dark side of Yuma. The main character Ibeji will traverse his known-world on adventures proving himself on missions of greatness. The known-planet holds a wide variety of climates (mostly inhabitable) with countries varying in culture, language, diversity of appearance, clothing, and traditions. Ibeji is from Oba Island and grew up in a mild climate with very short winters and very long summers in which to surf and enjoy adventures on and around the pristine beaches. His immediate siblings and his mother have their own castle on the island with a connecting mote to the main palace. Their mother can close the drawbridge at will and post her own guards if she needs to feel more secure. In technological advancement, an equivalent era to Earth might be the 16^th Century, though advancements in astronomy are limited due to severe religious restrictions. The printing press exists and the entire hemisphere uses a common written language and sign language, though many others exist, as well.

I chose Yuma because I wanted to create a world from scratch that was half dark, half bright like the yin yang symbol. The dark side is a patriarchal society and the bright side is a matriarchal society. I want there to be strengths and weaknesses to both sides that can only be balanced when they decide to help one another.

Time and Profluence:

Each chapter will tell the narrator, legal and illegal dates in history to help keep track of the constantly changing perspectives and the timeline. For example, the first chapter title will include Prince Ibeji’s name, Year 1 King Imana’s reign, Year 10,021 Forbidden Calendar. The second chapter will go back in time to Prince Olorun, end of King Oyelowo’s reign, Year 9,984 Forbidden Calendar.  For profluence, my intention is to using active verbs that indicate activity implying passage of time. In travels I will show people having to cover their eyes with masks to sleep even though it is light outside because it the time of sleep. Meals will be served, chores completed, plans hatched and carried out. The pace of the story should pull the reader to the end of the chapter and make them want to keep reading on to the next.

Story Development:

My main character will need to be born in a privileged setting to survive his skin condition in a society that values darker skin. Yet, it is also his position that will give him the training and power to possibly do something to help others in similar situations to his own someday. A hemisphere hemmed in by tall mountain ranges and seemingly impassable oceans, capped by deadly black snows, and no one with the desire to adventure beyond creates the perfect setting for someone who feels they have nothing to lose and everything to gain by proving themselves so dramatically. Ibeji is convinced land exists if he can overcome the obstacles and has the resources to attempt the journey. Only then can he find a world that is in some ways the flip side of his own and come to terms with the belief systems he has based his entire worldview on.

Archetypes:

• Light v. Darkness – though I hope to flip this one a bit, with strengths and weaknesses existing within both lands. The bright side will have desserts, white sand beaches, and paler waters due to the currents on the planet.
• The Threshold – Each challenge will essentially grant Ibeji entrance to another phase of his journey.
• Innate Wisdom v. Educated Stupidity – Some things the servants are capable of will save Ibeji, surprising him (though I wouldn’t call him stupid and hope to live.)
• Heaven v. Wilderness – Short stays in safe places will be welcomed rest and recuperation before venturing out on dangerous quests as part of the overall journey.
• Water v. Desert – The story begins with Ibeji dying of thirst, and ends with him being rescued and taken to an oasis. Water will save him (and a strong woman carrying the water.)

These archetypes fit with the characters and journey undertaken to get Ibeji from one world to another and make him a better man because of it. It will still take another novel to make him fit to rule, but he will be on the right track.

Character Sketches:

Prince Ibeji Character Sketch

Prince Ibeji is the twin spare heir to the throne with a skin condition similar to vitiligo in a society that is positively biased toward darker skin. At the start of the novel he is 20 years old, 6 foot 5 inches tall, and his muscled frame is dressed in the remnants of a white turban and linen desert clothing to protect from the sun. The left half of his face is a deep ebony, but the other half is mottled with pale splotches. When the turban slips from his head, his thick dreadlocks fall halfway down his back, half stark white, half black. Ibeji’s posture belies training in formal etiquette, the lift of his chin and no fear of direct eye contact are indicative of royal blood. His insistence that people look at his face rather than away from him shows the internal struggle he continues to fight to overcome the prejudice and personal embarrassment at being so marked. He overcompensates with extreme achievement and is the best at a number of sporting events including surfing, fighting with the dagger, several instruments he has chosen to master, and one branch of mathematics that he took an interest in. He is fiercely loyal to his family and loves his baby sister (who is 6 at this point) more than anything on earth. He feels the need to continually prove himself to his father King Olorun and is willing to risk his life to find a kingdom to rule even if it means traveling beyond the known boundaries of his planet.

Character Profile

Basic Statistics

Name: Prince Ibeji son of King Olorun and Queen Jol
Age: 20 at start of novel, then goes back in time to his birth
Nationality: the royal family does not maintain a nationality as they rule the entire world
Socioeconomic Level as a child: wealthy
Socioeconomic Level as an adult: at the start of the novel, he is moderately wealthy for his world, but extremely wealthy for the new world he has “discovered”
Hometown: Oba Island
Current Residence: homeless wanderer roaming the desert on camel-back
Occupation: Prince; N/A
Income: money has never been an issue for him because he was born into royalty and is given all he needs or wants
Talents/Skills: dagger fighting, sports in general and specifically surfing, mathematics, several instruments
Salary: N/A
Birth order: 1^st born, but he thinks he is the 2^nd born twin
Siblings (describe relationship): twin brother Imana, close but competitive and begin to have different ideas about ruling that start to drive a wedge between them ; half-brother Odafin, very close – probably his best friend besides his twin; 11 year old full brother, 17 year old full sister, 6 year old full sister (that he adores); 7 half-sisters, 8 other half-brothers, 2 cousins that he thinks are half-siblings, but are actually fathered by his Uncle Kwento
Spouse (describe relationship): N/A
Children (describe relationship): N/A
Grandparents (describe relationship): deceased
Grandchildren (describe relationship): N/A
Significant Others (describe relationship): N/A
Relationship skills: suspicious of authentic kindness as he assumes everyone is judging his vitiligo or is only being polite out of obligation to his rank

Physical Characteristics

Height: 6 foot 5 inches
Weight: 230 pounds
Race: Oba race (black skin)
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: half black, half white
Glasses or contact lenses? N/A
Skin color: black with vitiligo, left half of face black, other half mottled with pale splotches
Shape of Face: chiseled, strong jaw
Distinguishing features: vitiligo, thick dreadlocks that fall halfway down his back, half stark white, half black
How does he/she dress? Royal garb, but at start of novel in white turban and linen desert clothing
Mannerisms: fiddles with his dagger, posture belies training in formal etiquette, the lift of his chin and no fear of direct eye contact are indicative of royal blood
Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) a bit of a womanizer
Health: strong and healthy – in the prime of life
Hobbies: developing new talents that strike his fancy, pulling pranks on schoolmasters and religious clerics
Favorite Sayings: Words mean nothing; Are you trying to die today?
Speech patterns: formal diction due to training in royal language
Disabilities: N/A
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): finest quality clothing available on the planet, can’t look shabby even when he tries
Greatest flaw: overcompensates for his vitiligo and being the spare heir with accomplishments; distrustful of kindness in others because he thinks they are only doing so out of obligation and are really judging him silently for his skin
Best quality: loyalty, perseverance
Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes: extremely intelligent in an analytical way; closed-minded about the views he has grown up with until some experiences along the way in his adventure to the other side of the world opens his horizons a bit; cocky; thinks he’s the gods gift to women (except for the whole skin thing)
Educational Background: full education that is offered to the royals
Intelligence Level: super smart
Any Mental Illnesses? N/A
Learning Experiences: hands on learner; his adventures teach him even more than the classroom; but also digs into his studies
Character’s short-term goals in life: achieve every possible goal he sets to prove himself to his father the king
Character’s long-term goals in life: rule a kingdom of his own
How does Character see himself/herself? Capable, just needs to be given a chance to ultimately prove himself
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Less-than because of his vitiligo, but he also knows he has earned respect due to his achievements
How self-confident is the character? Extremely self-confident in his abilities, lacking in some self-esteem because of his vitiligo
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Logic, with an undercurrent of emotion
What would most embarrass this character? Admitting failure

Emotional Characteristics

Strengths: compassionate, fair, loyal Weaknesses: easily angered, holds grudges, self-conscious about his vitiligo
Introvert or Extrovert? Ambivert – loves to be the life of the party, but it drains him and then needs time to recuperate alone
How does the character deal with anger? Snaps, then has to apologize
With sadness? Does not admit sadness to himself, buries it
With conflict? Addresses it head on
With change? Very adaptable
With loss? Has not really experienced much loss and doesn’t like to think about it
What does the character want out of life? To prove himself to his father and rule a kingdom – ultimately to prove that he would be a good leader
What would the character like to change in his/her life? Find a cure for his vitiligo, become a ruler, not let his vitiligo bother him
What motivates this character? Achievement, proving himself to others to overcompensate for his vitiligo
What frightens this character? failure
What makes this character happy? Spending time with his baby sister (6 years old at the start of the novel), surfing/being out in nature on the island, family
Is the character judgmental of others? He is judgmental of laziness or lack of achievement
Is the character generous or stingy? He is generous, but he has not really earned any of the items or goods he shares with others
Is the character generally polite or rude? polite
Spiritual Characteristics: He is spiritual and follows the religious customs of the royal family; he is not above being a little sacrilegious for a laugh, though
Does the character believe in God? yes
What are the character’s spiritual beliefs? The gods determined the patriarchal order of the world, as well as the royal order of his family and the way each country is to contribute to the monarchy
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character’s life? both
If so, what role does it play? It is a very important part and will ultimately be a crisis for him when he finds another world with other religious beliefs
How the Character is Involved in the Story: he will end up being the main focus by the end of the novel
Character’s role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): hero
Scene where character first appears: opening scene
How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: he has been humbled, thrown into a completely different world than he expected, but still determined to reach his goals and undaunted by the obstacles ahead of him

Prince Kwento Character Sketch

Prince Kwento is the only brother of King Olorun, the uncle of Prince Ibeji. He disappeared the night of Prince Ibeji’s birth, though he has quite the interesting backstory. He was orphaned at age 11 and grew up under the rule of his brother being schooled by the prophets, clergy, and educational system on the royal island. He grew to be a sturdy figure 6 feet tall with brown skin the color of dark caramel. He wears the traditional dreadlocks, though he keeps them a more manageable length since he does not think he will ever rule. He is skilled in painting and poetry, though he is also an expert longbow marksman. Kwento is romantically inclined, his head in the clouds at times about falling in love and finds himself smitten with a beautiful girl who turns out to be his brother’s betrothed. (She will be the 2^nd wife.) Kwento tends to question the ways of tradition much more than most and it gets him into trouble often. Kwento yearns for freedom from the old ways and rigid structure of palace life.

Character Profile

Basic Statistics

Name: Prince Kwento son of King Oyelowo and Queen Fadekemi
Age: he is 11 when he is first seen in the novel; when he is reintroduced at the end he is 47
Nationality: the royal family does not maintain a nationality as they rule the entire world
Socioeconomic Level as a child: wealthy
Socioeconomic Level as an adult: at the start of the novel he is one of the wealthiest people in his world, when he is reintroduced, he is poor
Hometown: Oba Island at the start; reintroduced at an oasis camp
Current Residence: Oba Island
Occupation: Prince; N/A
Income: money has never been an issue for him because he was born into royalty and is given all he needs or wants; he will learn to work to survive by the end
Talents/Skills: painting, poetry, expert longbow marksman
Salary: N/A
Birth order: 2^nd born son spare heir, 3^rd born child
Siblings (describe relationship): King Olorun – some animosity because his brother became an authority figure over him when their parents died, though just the day before they had been scuffling in the courtyard; 2 sisters – one older, 1 younger – both died when his parents did 
Spouse (describe relationship): Eriayomi – cordial, but not a relationship of passion; becomes all about the children; was in love with his brother’s 2^nd wife Sulola and that was a relationship of passion
Children (describe relationship): from Eriayomi – son 7, daughter 4, son 1 (all killed around those ages); from Sulola – Adana daughter 27, Zane son 19 (they do not know he is their father)
Grandparents (describe relationship): deceased
Grandchildren (describe relationship): has 3 grandchildren that he does not know about because he fled the country; he will find out about them when he reconnects with Zane at the end of the novel
Significant Others (describe relationship): he is now in a strong relationship with Katsu, a military woman who patrols the deserts in the world “discovered” beyond the mountains and the sea
Relationship skills: super romantic, girls fall for him easily, easy to talk to, kind

Physical Characteristics

Height: 6 foot
Weight: 195 pounds
Race: Oba race (black skin)
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: black
Glasses or contact lenses? N/A
Skin color: black (brown the color of dark caramel)
Shape of Face: square, strong jaw
Distinguishing features: caramel skin color and dreamy brown eyes
How does he/she dress? Royal garb and kind of likes pretty things, but at end of novel he looks rugged, windswept, and a bit tattered; clothing is more about necessity than appearance
Mannerisms: daydreams, stares off into space formulating poems and picturing how he would paint whatever he is looking at
Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) falls in love too easily
Health: strong and healthy
Hobbies: painting, writing poetry
Favorite Sayings: Quotes of the great poets of old like “Fire licks water to create love steam”
Speech patterns: poetic, rambles a bit if given the chance
Disabilities: N/A
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): likes elegant dress at the first, but not by the end
Greatest flaw: easily angered
Best quality: protective
Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes: creative, extremely intelligent verbally; open-minded about the views he has grown up with and the possibility that other ways might be valid; loves women;
Educational Background: full education that is offered to the royals
Intelligence Level: smart
Any Mental Illnesses? Some depression
Learning Experiences: reader, gets all of his information from books
Character’s short-term goals in life: love women and create art
Character’s long-term goals in life: survive
How does Character see himself/herself? As a survivor
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Less-than because he is the spare heir; expendable
How self-confident is the character? self-confident in his appearance and verbal abilities, lacking in some self-worth because he is the spare heir
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Entirely by emotion
What would most embarrass this character? Being unable to perform sexually

Emotional Characteristics

Strengths: romantic, gentle, caring
Weaknesses: easily angered, lets his romantic urges take over instead of thinking things through
Introvert or Extrovert? Introvert – enjoys one on one conversations, but prefers to be alone reding and painting
How does the character deal with anger? Snaps, then has to apologize
With sadness? Struggles, cries, lingers over the sadness
With conflict? Tends to avoid
With change? Struggles with change, wants things to stay the same
With loss? Struggles, has never gotten over losing his parents, sisters, then eventually his wife and children. His whole life is characterized by loss, but he doesn’t know how to manage it.
What does the character want out of life? Peace and safety
What would the character like to change in his/her life? He would love to have a relationship with his children
What motivates this character? Love
What frightens this character? Fear that he won’t be able to protect his family
What makes this character happy? Being in love, being with his children, art, poetry
Is the character judgmental of others? somewhat
Is the character generous or stingy? He is generous, but he has not really earned any of the items or goods he shares with others; at the end he is generous with his lack and that is more telling
Is the character generally polite or rude? polite
Spiritual Characteristics: He is spiritual and follows the religious customs of the royal family, though he questions often and does not agree with everything
Does the character believe in God? yes
What are the character’s spiritual beliefs? He believes there must be some truth to common threads in the religion of the two halves of the world, but he is not sure of exact truth; he has come to believe in kindness as a guiding principle
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character’s life? More spirituality now
If so, what role does it play? It is part of why he runs
How the Character is Involved in the Story: he will end up being the person who tells the main character the truth about his family and their destiny. He will motivate the main character to eventually return and save his family.
Character’s role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): uncle to the main character and moral balance
Scene where character first appears: chapter 2
How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: he has been humbled, thrown into a completely different world than he expected, and has found what really matters in life

Character Interaction

Prince Ibeji and his Uncle Kwento will not meet until late in the novel, but the information Kwento shares with Ibeji will send him into a tailspin. Kwento proposes an overthrow of the kingdom in order to save the lives of people Ibeji loves. It will make him question his faith in the world he knows. Ibeji wants to find his own kingdom to rule, but Kwento makes a case for returning home to rule.

Proust Questionnaire

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Ibeji – It is known by all that I recovered the lost crown of Olokun for the honor and glory of my father King Olorun and to seal my manhood. However, I am most proud of saving my brother from certain death at the hands of radical misandrists. I could have let nature take its course and I would be planning my own coronation, but I remained loyal and upheld the nobility to which I was born.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Ibeji – My loved ones safe, a beautiful woman by my side, the sun on my skin, surfing all afternoon before taking a nap on the beach while lessers fan me.

What is your current state of mind?

Ibeji – Excited, eager, impatient to head out on the greatest quest a man has ever undertaken. I will either gain the world or die trying.

What is your favorite occupation?

Ibeji – I am not a shamed lesser. I was born to the ruling class. This must be a list of questions for commoners.

What is your most treasured possession?

Ibeji – My father gave me a jeweled scepter that has been in our family vault for centuries to take with me on my quest. I will use it to rule when I am sitting on my throne beyond the mountains and the sea. It is priceless. But if I am honest, the only object that is on my person at all times is my dagger given to me by my mother when I was 12. It has proved the most useful and most valuable of all my belongings.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Ibeji – My baby sister Tujuka. She is five and is the most joyful person I know.

What is your favorite journey?

Ibeji – The one I have yet to take.

What is your most marked characteristic?

Ibeji – My skin curse has marked me as second born. People must show me respect because I am a prince, but I see the disgust and judgment in their eyes, nonetheless.

When and where were you the happiest?

Ibeji – It was the moment I arrived home from earning my manhood at 14 years old. My mother had given birth to my baby sister while I was on my journey and she was rocking the little one to sleep when I surprised her with my arrival. I could see the pride in her eyes. Then she laid the baby on a cushion, got down on her knees, and placed her forehead on my feet. It was the first time my mother showed me due reverence as a grown man. Later, before presenting the crown to Father, I slipped baby Tujuka into the crown. Her whole body fit through it like it was a giant golden suit of armor. She began to bubble with laughter like only babies can do and my heart was filled to bursting. 

What is it that you most dislike?

Ibeji – Judgment from others.

What is your greatest fear?

Ibeji – Failure.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Ibeji – I’m not sure I understand the question. I partake of what I am owed by divine right. Nothing is extravagant. It is as it should be.

Which living person do you most despise?

Ibeji – Cleric Abiola. He knows why.

What is your greatest regret?

Ibeji – That I never met my Uncle Kwento who died the day I was born. I am told I am like him in many ways. 

Which talent would you most like to have?

Ibeji – I do not need to wish. If I desire a skill, I hire the greatest teacher, devote myself to the practice of it, and master said skill.

Where would you like to live?

Ibeji – I will live in my own palace in the world beyond the mountains and the sea.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Ibeji – I would imagine being born lesser and unable to prove yourself worthy.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Ibeji – Loyalty.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Ibeji – Beauty.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Ibeji – That I let others’ opinions of my skin bother me.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Ibeji – That they are bothered by my skin.

What do you most value in your friends?

Ibeji – I do not have friends. I have brothers and lessers.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

Ibeji – I do not read fiction. That is for women.

Who are your heroes in real life?

Ibeji – I have no heroes. I make my own fortune.

Which living person do you most admire?

Ibeji – Myself.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Ibeji – Patience. How many more questions are there?

On what occasions do you lie?

Ibeji – When women ask if they are my favorite.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Ibeji – Are you trying to die today?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Ibeji – Being born second.

What are your favorite names?

Ibeji – Tujuka (my sister) and Jol (my mother)

How would you like to die?

Ibeji – With honor. Perhaps defending my own throne.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

Ibeji – A moon.

What is your motto?

Ibeji – Words mean nothing.

Theme Development:

One main theme I would like to explore in this novel is the need for constant approval in a merit-based society where every person’s worth is dependent on achievement. There is not room for people who lack ambition to be at peace in this world. It will create a culture of constant competition and outdoing what has been done before. This will build animosity within families and social groupings and lead to disastrous consequences as people risk everything to be the best. This will be seen between Ibeji and Imana and others within the royal family. Because women must bear children, their worth is entirely based on reproductive abilities, which will lead to dangerous treatments, life-risking procedures, and women taking their own lives rather than becoming slaves. It could also lead to infant trafficking and all sorts of other evils to trick the system. These ideas will be explored in act one of the novel, especially as regards the six wives of King Olorun. The meaning I hope readers will gain is that people should be accepted as they are rather than requiring achievement or progeny to be of value.

Because the elaborate structure of the royal family invites competition and resentment between the different wives, children, and slaves, the question of loyalty also becomes a theme. The reader will hopefully value the eventual loyalty of Ibeji to his brother and the loyalty of people like the midwife to her women. She will be depicted as a fighter for female sovereignty. Some of her methods that seem questionable will save lives and ultimately keep people safe. Odafin (Ibeji’s brother from another mother) will be a constant companion in his adventures and will prove to be one of the most loyal characters in the book. He is third in line for the throne and has multiple opportunities to kill Ibeji in order to become the spare heir, but is steadfast in his fidelity to his best friend and brother Ibeji. The meaning imbedded in developing this theme is that loyalty to beliefs, honor, and integrity are noble.

Revisions:

The following feedback has made its way into my revision process:

(From Jeanne)

• Kwento is already likeable since he is an artist, poet, and romantic. He needs to have more flaws like jealousy for the thrown, or he wants to do away with the old traditions, but he thinks way outside the box. Like instead of the “old ways,” he wants to have free love incorporated where anyone can sleep with whomever they please. All the babies conceived would be taken care of communally. Something along those lines.
• As far as Ibeji goes, maybe he can also have a short temper that he works on controlling because of his insecurities. 

(From Kody)

• Giving the character a color-coded condition like vitiligo has a lot of sociopolitical nuance behind it, and as a white person I don’t consider myself qualified to comment overmuch on it. Because you’re writing fantasy, though, you do have a bit of power here. Because it’s closely tied with a real-world phenomenon, changing it overmuch might dilute the message you are trying to send about body acceptance or societal pressure surrounding vitiligo. You do not have to be accurate to the real world, but whether you want to or not your story will be compared to the real world. The movie Bright, for instance, drew some scrutiny when it made its orcs (a fantasy species generally portrayed as brutish, savage, and ugly) heavily coded as Black. Even though the orcs were made up, the fact that it tied orc stereotypes to Black stereotypes sent a negative message to some people. So, if you’re trying to send a message about Black beauty stereotypes or vitiligo, adding something extra to it (unique eye colors) might dilute that message! It’ll definitely be worthwhile to see how vitiligo is handled in other characters. Is there something you would gain by giving him heterochromia that would make it worthwhile to your story? If it’s simply an aesthetic choice, I’d say drop it and focus more on how vitiligo affects him, making that aspect of your story stronger.
• I’d recommend checking out books or other media where a main character struggles with acne, since it’s also a skin condition that has a lot of stigma attached to it. Just as vitiligo was once conflated with leprosy, acne is often assumed to be from uncleanliness or poor health, and acne can be immensely damaging to one’s self-esteem. Of course, if you can find a source on vitiligo that would be even better, but those may be harder to find unfortunately

(From Dariusz)

• after I finished reading your Book Description/Plot Summary: I would love to see you at least hint on what are Ibeji’s ‘constant achievements’ in the book’s description?

The following feedback has been evaluated and I have decided not to implement it:

(From Dariusz)

• P.S. When I first looked at your post’s title, my thoughts went straight to Arizona 🙂 I know it isn’t a biggie, but is that something that you are at all concerned, as far as the audience and the marketing of your book?

I am honestly still considering changing the name of the planet, but have not yet come across a name that works using the Japanese definitions I am going for. Yuma means “Calm truth” in Japanese. I like the idea of that for the Yin/Yang concept I am going for that will culminate in meaning in the 3^rd book of the series. I have not ruled out changing the name; I simply have not found another one that mean something significant for my story. Dariusz makes an excellent point (especially since the name will be in the title.)

Goals Statement:

I have never planned out my entire novel with chapter summaries before. I have simply started writing and seen where it takes me. This method feels more structured and gives me hope that I will create something with much more thematic value that also takes the reader on a better-defined journey. For example, while planning the chapter summaries the half-brother Odafin surfaced as a key witness to the main character’s adventures and made me realize he should narrate a chapter.

The Proust Questionnaire was an excellent exercise to explore my character that I have never done before. Taking the time to get to know my main characters before jumping into the story has created layers of personality that will hopefully produce better-rounded characters in the long run.

I have also never delved into the setting as intensely before. This exercise has made me excited about creating a fantasy world and made me believe that I have a shot at actually writing a fantasy novel. This is a first for me and I am as nervous as I am excited!

Receiving peer feedback was nerve-wracking, especially because it was during the formation process. I am used to sharing pieces with others after I have perfected them, but this was a much more vulnerable experience. Surprisingly, I found it affirming and helpful. The suggestions made by fellow writers were spot on for consideration and shared in a spirit of mutual growth. I would love to find a community to write with in the future that could be equally supportive.

My goal now is to begin crafting portions of the story that seem crucial to character development. Because I have spent so much time working on Ibeji (my main character’s) part of the story, I would like to jump right into his part of the book, which is actually about 1/3 of the way in. Then, as I realize I need bits of history to make sense of things, I will go back and work on his father’s story. That may be a bit backward, but it seems logical to me as a way to start. I am going to set a goal of writing at least one scene or chapter every week to keep the momentum going.