Tag Archives: mental health

Essays, Writing

This would get me fired…(Day 29)

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Today’s assignment is to write about something that would get me fired.

I teach in a psychiatric facility, so the types of things that would get me fired are telling detailed stories about my students, using their names, birth dates, and physical descriptions such that people would be able to figure out who they are.

Also, other fire-able topics to write about include:  having an inappropriate relationship with a student, dissing my immediate boss, revealing my true feelings about the biggest boss of my company, claiming to have abused children in any way, blogging about deep drug or alcohol addiction issues currently raging in my life, pornography, doing jail time, or admitting to murder.

It would be nice to have the freedom to write about absolutely anything I feel like, but it is also nice to get a paycheck and to be trusted with the private confidential information of others as I help them to heal.  When my kids were little they would try to get details out of me about my students because I told them I was like an FBI agent who couldn’t share anything, legally bound and all.

I will tell a brief hodge-podge of craziness that has occurred in my classroom in the last month with scrambled names, genders, and identities to protect privacy:

Sam had a laughing fit that lasted almost 20 minutes.  Uncontrollable, insane, maniacal laughter that ended in tears.  The mania was a result of stopping a certain medication that resulted in hysterics.  Lisa stood up, headed for the door, gave the peace sign, and took off running.  She is quite the track star, so no one could catch her, except the police a few hours later when she turned up at a gas station asking to borrow a phone.  Ben threw up all over the bathroom…literally…all over…in the sink, around the toilet, on the floor, in the trash can, on the door…everywhere except in the toilet.  Sofie is a psychpath and coordinated a plan to sneak into the bathroom with another girl to perform oral sex.  Josh fell asleep on the floor in the middle of the classroom and peed on himself.  Such is my life…

And somehow we still manage to learn about Shakespeare, write poetry, edit essays, debate political ideologies, learn vocabulary, have spelling bees, and share personal narratives to make your heart break.  Today we wrote about bullying after watching Shane Koyczan’s To This Day.  Then we discussed propaganda and watched samples of hilarious commercials to demonstrate rhetorical devices.  We ended the class with planning products they could invent and sell – they will create their own advertisements.  It was a good day.

Health, Writing

Time For Tea – (Day 24)

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Today’s assignment was to ask someone out for coffee and then write about it.

I’m not a coffee drinker, but tea is right up my alley.  I found myself with some free time in the middle of the day, a rarity.  I asked my best friend Erica if she would like to get together and suggested either Cheesecake Factory or The Steeping Room.  My only hesitation on The Steeping Room was the need for a reservation, which also meant committing to a time schedule (which could fall through depending on many factors – mostly her busy workday and dealing with twin three-year-olds.)  She preferred The Steeping Room due to dietary gluten-free concerns and made the reservation for us.  She also offered to drive.  Apparently, she always gets “glutened” as she calls it when she goes to the Cheesecake Factory, despite the fact that they have a gluten-free menu and gluten-free options.

We talked about my pain level, marriage to my sweet husband, photography (her passion right now), her boys, our exes, my kids, my granddaughter, and my writing course I was finishing up.  She ordered Mexican Hot Chocolate with some alternative milk and a gluten-free grilled cheese sandwich that she adores.  I got Hibiscus Iced Tea and the Buddha Bowl – a hodgepodge of sweet potato, beans, chicken, greens of the day, grains of the day, and a delicious cashew dressing.  I crave it in between chances to eat there.

We bemoaned our fatness, talked about what has worked lately to sate appetite and manage cravings, reminisced about the good ol’ days when it was easier to lose weight and move…

Mostly, we just caught up on life and enjoyed some stolen moments in the middle of the day without children, grandchildren, work, or obligations.  It was a lovely time and will hopefully be repeated many more times in the future.

Health, Writing

Hoarding – (Day 22)

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Today’s topic is to consider what I might be hoarding that I need to get rid of or share with others:

  1. My writing – I need to get my poetry and books out there to share with others.
  2. Clothes, furniture, blankets, miscellaneous junk in my garage – All of that could go to a thrift store so someone else can enjoy it.
  3. Excess weight – It is not benefiting anyone in any way.
  4. Guilt, Shame, Worry – That is detrimental and needs to be managed or disposed of.
  5. Pain – It needs to be gone.

That is all I can think of right now that I may be hoarding.

Health, Writing

What is to be done? – (Day 19)

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Today’s assignment is the completion of yesterday’s complaints/grievances.  I was supposed to consider anything I could do to improve any of those areas.

Pain – I have been trying everything suggested to manage my pain.  I will continue to try different things until I find an answer.  At this moment, I do not have a satisfactory solution.  If I had one, I would quickly employ it.  I do not want to take medications that could become addictive or have other unhealthy side-affects.  I use chiropractic care currently and take some anti-inflammatories when I can barely cope.  Ice helps, as does rest.  Mostly, I cry, and moan, and shift positions until I can bear the discomfort temporarily.

Excess Weight – I joined Weight Watchers and tried pretty hard for about a month.  Then I didn’t try very hard for about a month.  I suppose I should try again (I’m stuck for at least another month in order to get one of my months back free.)

Joint Problems – See pain…except that I know I need to get back to my stretching to improve my flexibility.

Too much Housekeeping – I need to streamline my chores, actually do them regularly, ask David to do more, and continue to declutter so there is less to clean.

David’s Dog – I try not to do much related to Aiko.  I need to encourage David to get her into obedience training, though.

Low Energy – Not sure on this one.  I’m getting enough sleep.  Maybe weight loss and less pain could improve the low energy.

Ungrateful Children – Not much I can do here, but I can let my kids know when they have hurt my feelings and set some boundaries when I feel taken advantage of.

Depression – Again, I don’t want to take medication.  In the past there have been too many side affects.  I think the weight, pain, joint problems, and energy are all connected to the depression.

Unpleasant Hurtful Ex-Husband – There is nothing I can do about this right now.  I just continue to take the high road.

Religious Discomfort – I think I need to recommit to prayer time.  I am doing some meditation and reading spiritual matters, but feel like prayer is lacking.  The discomfort related to my religion of origin may resolve itself someday, but for now, I think I just have to sit with it.

Tight Finances – I am working to try to publish.  I am hoping that will be my ticket to more finances so the tightness will disappear.

Taxes – I have set up a payment plan.  It will take time.

Unkind People Who Purposely Hurt Others – Nothing I can do there, except speak up when I see it happen.

Bedtime Schedules – I don’t think there is a solution to this.  David is a night owl.  I like to go to bed early and rise early whenever I can.  I need to talk to David and try to problem-solve.

Having to work too much – I am going to publish books.  That will be my supplementary income.  Then I can just teach and write.  I won’t need a second job.

Health, Writing

Complaints – (Day 19)

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Today’s assignment is to list complaints/grievances and determine if I can do anything about them.

I found the definition of grievance interesting – a real or imagined cause for complaint.  Some of mine are probably imaginary.

Complaints/Grievances:  pain, excess weight, joint problems, too much housekeeping, David’s dog, low energy, ungrateful children, depression, unpleasant hurtful ex-husband, religious discomfort, tight finances, taxes, unkind people who purposely hurt others, bedtime schedules (mine and David’s don’t match), having to work too much

It is too overwhelming right now to think of any ways that I can do anything about these complaints/grievances.  I’m irritated just listing them.  Perhaps tomorrow I’ll consider ways to fix things, but for now I’ll let them sit right where they are…

Health, Writing

Weight Watchers – (Day 18)

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My assignment for today was to turn to the person next to me and ask what I should write about.  That just so happens to be my husband David.  He suggested writing about my disappointment with my body lately via my Weight Watchers program.  Those weren’t his exact words, but that was the general gist.

So earlier he asked how my program was going.  That is just opening a whole can of worms.  Not only have I not been following my program, but tomorrow is weigh in day and I don’t even want to go.  I didn’t go last week because I was sick.  I had been doing well up until I got sick.  Then I couldn’t find anything that would sit well on my stomach for days afterwards.  I basically ate whatever tasted good and as much of that as I wanted.

Anyway, that was the beginning of a downward spiral as far as portion control, healthy eating, and tracking what I eat.  I have had over a week of eating everything in sight until I actually felt full.  Sigh…

I was doing really well for six weeks.  I lost seven pounds, was moving around a bit more, and felt like I was making better choices over all.  Honestly, though, I was still hungry often and not really satisfied.  I felt like I was always on guard, writing down every single thing that went into my mouth, belaboring how many points everything was, and debating the merits of each and every bite.  It felt a little neurotic, but at least I wasn’t gaining any more weight.

I am fairly certain that if I go to Weight Watchers tomorrow, I will have gained weight.  It will confirm that my natural state of feeling satisfied by food means getting fatter and fatter.  So I am sad and discouraged and have basically given up…

 

Health, Writing

Excite/Drain – (Day 12)

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Today’s assignment is to make a list of things that excite me and things that drain me:

Excites Me:  Writing things I want to write, reading books, spending time with my husband, artist’s dates, lunches/tea with friends one-on-one, watching shows I like, going to the movies, teaching, creating lessons that excite teenagers, dancing Salsa, eating good food, getting to see my granddaughter Charlotte, going to WriteHers’ Group at coffee shops, naps, early bedtimes, great quotes, positive stories, peace, listening to my records and music of my choosing, planning/listing/scheduling stuff

I should do more of these things.

Drains Me:  Grading papers, spending time with groups of people, meetings of any kind, my children, cleaning, exercising, cooking, David’s dog, paying bills, working my part-time job on weekends, taking care of my granddaughter Charlotte, shopping, playing games, parties, social gathering of any kind pretty much, Facebook, ethical relativism, conflict, music I don’t like, loud tv, video games, worrying

I should do less of these things.

Health, Writing

Tea Stains – (Day 11)

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http://austinkleon.com/tag/tea-drawings/

I found this interesting artistic blog by Austin Kleon that shows drawings made from tea stains.  People create such interesting things.

tea bag

My assignment today was to attempt just such an artistic endeavor, though that is not my forte.

Instead, I’ll write about the cup of tea I actually drank earlier, without making any art from the tea bag.

One of the most comforting moments in my day is the brewing of a cup of tea.  I usually boil a pot of water in an electric kettle, place a P.G. Tips triangle shaped tea bag imported from England into a cup, pour the water over the teabag and only let it brew for a minute.  I don’t like it too strong.  The final touch to my tea is Coffeemate’s Italian Sweet Cream creamer.  It is the quick equivalent of cream and sugar and just makes it creamy delicious.

I grew up drinking sweet creamy tea thanks to my grandmother – Mema.  She also shared that gift with my children because she babysat them prior to their school years.  I am assuming she will continue to pass forward the gift to my grandchild since they spend so much time together.

Once I have a perfect cup of tea ready to sip on, I usually write, read, or engage in something creative.  So I guess I have come to connect hot tea with both comfort and productivity/creativity.  Maybe it’s the little boost of caffeine that gets me motivated.  Whatever the case, hot tea is a staple for me and a lovely part of my day.

Essays, Writing

Fears…(Day 9)

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Today’s assignment is to write down everything I’m afraid of:

my children or grandchildren dying, being able to support myself financially, having to move in with family if I lose my home, not existing after death, my husband leaving me, never making it as a writer, becoming debilitated by pain, getting fatter, losing the ability to orgasm, never being able to Salsa again, going to jail, spiraling into alcoholism, moving away from my family, losing my Mema, depression, my ex-husband, not being able to pay my taxes, being taken to court, house fires, dental work, giant machinery, traveling to dangerous countries, being alone in the dark in an unfamiliar place

Then I am supposed to strike through  each phrase with a pen as though slaying a dragon.  I’m not sure how to do that on this program, so I’m picturing it in my mind.

dragon slayer