Tag Archives: parenting

How to Stop Time (Book Review)     

I can think of few premises more horrible than that of Matt Haig’s novel How to Stop Time. It is a world where some among us age painstakingly slower than average. The protagonist appears to be in his early 40s but has been alive on this earth for over 400 years. From French aristocracy to quaint village life in old England, from the dangerous streets of Shakespeare’s London to the London of the 21st Century, we are swept along with his story almost against our will. If life is a serious of tragedies with bright spots in between, imagine the tragedies of more than 5 lifetimes. The body still has aches and pains, the mind battles ups and downs, depression, anxiety, but with the added fears of being discovered, labeled a witch, a modern miracle, or a danger.

There are networks built to “protect” these long-living humans, but there are also organizations bent on finding and studying them like lab rats to enhance the lifespan of the rest of humanity. Staying hidden from both is nearly impossible, especially as modern technology advances to the point of photography, video, then internet and cell phones, and eventually social media. And how is one to love, to open the heart to vulnerability, knowing you will outlive any partner, child, grandchild, or friend? Oh, living with the pain of loss would be most unbearable for someone like me. I don’t even enjoy pondering this fictional concept any longer than I must.

But Mr. Haig has masterfully pondered these question and more in his tribute to family, humanity, love, and ode to living in the present. If nothing else, this book has made me thankful that my time here is brief in comparison. It is a good reminder to appreciate what we have and take no one we care about for granted. Change and death are inevitable constants that we must learn to accept; the alternative being the illusion of stagnation until the day we die. 

Haig, Matt. How to Stop Time, Penguin Books, 2017.

the Echo of Old Books (Book Review)

All the rest of these images created by Rebekah Marshall’s prompts using AI on Gencraft.com website.

I love stories where loose ends are tied up, wrongs are righted, and resolutions are satisfying. I will not give away which elements of this tale adequately meet my criteria, so as not to spoil the ending for anyone, but I will say that I was sufficiently pleased. The Echo of Old Books by Barbara Davis spans the 1940s to the 1980s. The technology of those worlds is so different from today that we forget how differently life was lived until we are placed back in those settings. No social media, no internet, no Googling, no cell phones. Newspapers, books, telephones, and eventually micro phish.

There are layers of intrigue surrounding the uber-rich, pre-WWII antisemitism, psychiatry as a weapon against women (especially the act of having women committed to asylums), and societal shame surrounding children born out of wedlock. But my favorite parts are of course, the tragic romance threaded throughout both the books and the decades. The world seems to always have a problem with letting people who love one another be together, whether because they are the wrong nationalities, colors, classes, genders, ages, or religions. Add family rivalry, childhood loss, and war, and the chances of happily ever after go way down.

At least four generations are affected by the racism, classism, and evil perpetrated by several characters in this story. And the question of whether it is safe to open the heart, heal from the past, and give love a second chance, must be answered by multiple characters, each in their own time and place. Though the specifics of this tale are rooted in one family, the concept is universal. If people are unwilling to face truth, have the hard conversations, and find a safe home where they can be vulnerable, there can be no hope of reconciliation.

Davis, Barbara, the Echo of Old Books, Lake Union Publishing, 2023.

The Love of My Life (Book Review)

This image created by Rebekah Marshall’s prompt using AI on Gencraft.com website.

From The Love of My Life by Rosie Walsh:

“I invite you to think about an event in your past you’d do anything to erase.

You’re bound to have one, even if you’re young. And if you’re good at hiding it, it’ll be there on the strandlines of your own story: sand-camouflaged, unremarkable; visible only to those who know what to look for.

I was good at hiding mine.”

Rosie Walsh does an excellent job of making us question everything about the main character in her novel The Love of My Life. What sort of nefarious past has she kept hidden? Whose side should we be on? The quirky, adorable relationship between her and her unsuspecting husband makes us ache for them, wishing their tale could be less complicated. Can’t there be a happily ever after? Must there be ominous uncovering of stalkers, affairs, criminal activities, deception, danger, loss, and more? Why, yes…yes, there must because Rosie Walsh wants to drag her readers kicking and screaming through every revelation as though we are a character in her book.

Who is the love of Emma’s life? Is it her husband? Is it another man she is meeting in secret? Is it someone yet to be revealed? The twists and turns are well-timed, suspenseful in a way that makes the reader distrust nearly everyone and are satisfyingly straightened out by the end. I enjoyed every second of the tension in this book because it made me love the characters all the more for having endured the stress along with them.

Walsh, Rosie, The Love of My Life, Penguin Books, 2022.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry (Book Review)

This book was a lovely little slice of life capturing the people of a small island town as they supported one another through the ups and downs we all experience. The quirky characters made me feel reminiscent of the Doc Martin show I used to watch with my husband about characters set in Portwenn, a fictional town on the coast of Cornwall, England. The gruff bookstore owner A.J., certain of never finding love after tragically losing his wife, reminded me of the doctor in Doc Martin with minimal people skills. A.J. loves books. Doc Martin loves practicing medicine. I’ll stop with the comparisons, but I should say that I am a fan of whatever this type of story is—odd outsider becomes an instrumental part of the community. He may be off-putting, but he’s our bookstore owner who is off-putting, sort of thing.

When a special gift is left for him in his bookshop, the life-changing effects are as dramatic and satisfying as one could expect. There is mystery, romance, tragedy, and comedy. And it is all wrapped in a heartwarming tale of people taking care of people. Now I will allow myself to watch the movie, since I finally read the book. I hope it is just as satisfying as the book was. I also enjoyed comparing notes with A.J. about his favorite short stories. I felt quite accomplished that I had read some of the ones he mentions at the beginning of the chapters.

Zevin, Gabrielle, The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry, Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill, 2014.

Not Up For Easter

All images created by Rebekah Marshall’s prompts using AI on Gencraft.com website.

Holidays take so much energy. Energy I do not have to share right now. The last month has been a lot. I don’t want to decorate, host any dinners or brunches, clean my house, buy gifts, make treats, bake desserts, dye eggs, hide candy, grocery shop, cook, or do anything involving pastel shades. I don’t have anything against any of those things, but the thought of participating in any of it makes me feel more tired than I already am. Add to that, I came down with a stomach bug and I just want to lie in bed for a few days.

I know holidays are important and create special memories, especially for children. I’m just not in the mood for all the hoopla and rigamarole. Thankfully, all 3 of my grandkids are in different states with different family members having wonderful times without me. That probably sounds horrible to say. I love them and want to be with them but also love that they have many relatives who want to spend time with them. I am very thankful for a large, extended family at times when my energy has been completely depleted.

Maybe next year. For this year, the newest granddaughter is snug as a bug in a rug with her parents up in Michigan, Charlotte is at a wedding with her father and his father at her aunt’s wedding up in New York, Julian is with his Abo and Aba in Texas, and I am going to take a nap. That sounds like the perfect Easter activity for me.      

Behold the Dreamers (Book Review)

TRIGGER WARNING: This novel contains themes related to immigration challenges, economic hardship, race and class dynamics, and complex family relationships. It also touches on substance use and addiction, overdose, and instances of domestic conflict and violence. Some readers may find these topics emotionally intense.

All the rest of these images created by Rebekah Marshall’s prompts using AI on Gencraft.com website.

Behold the Dreamers by Imbolo Mbue provided a peek into the lives of some families quite unfamiliar to me—those of immigrants from Cameroon living in New York, trying to make a living in less than ideal conditions, and those of the privileged Wall Street rich executives with fancy cars and vacation homes in the Hamptons. I found the descriptions and complex relationships between the characters fascinating and believable.

The character I connected with the most was Neni, the wife of Jende, who follows her husband to New York from Cameroon with their toddler in tow when she is able. She is hard-working, persistent, hopeful, and resourceful. She jumps into every challenge with grit and is determined to become a pharmacist to help support her family. In one scene, she finally finishes her chores at midnight and must now study until at least 3:00 AM. Her toil is such a different pace in America than when she lived in Cameroon. I felt such empathy with her plight.

“She rested her head in her right hand, closed her eyes, and exhaled…Her mind was always active, it seemed—what needed to be done, by when, how long it would take to get done. Even when she sang during her chores, she was mindful of the next chore. And the one after that. Life in America had made her into someone who was always thinking and planning the next step.”

If only life could be different for all of us. Why must every step forward be two steps back, no matter how hard people try? So many in this world are giving the best they have to offer of their hearts, minds, and bodies, but all the wishful thinking, determination, prayer, and planning in the world does not always bring about success. There are no perfect answers or happily ever afters in this novel, but the spirit of survival, family, learning from our mistakes, and perseverance are inspiring nonetheless. And it is a wonderful reminder to treat everyone we meet as though they could be an angel, like the weary men Abraham offered hospitality to in the Bible. What a wonderful world we would live in if that were our perspective.

Mbue, Imbolo, Behold the Dreamers, Penguin Random House, 2016.

Hafiz – Poem 33

All images created by Rebekah Marshall’s prompts using AI on Gencraft.com website.

I am reading Hafiz’s Little Book of Life, poetry by Hafiz-e Shirazi. He is challenging me to become more comfortable with ambiguity. I will share his poem and some of my thoughts on his poem (sometimes with the help of experts when the concepts are too hard for me), followed by a poem and some art inspired by his poem.

Hafiz’s Poem 33:

Adam gave up Paradise

For just one nice ripe apple

What if one world is only worth

One hard stale raisin

?

Some thoughts:

This poem feels a little cheeky. Irony keeps the interpretation in question. If Adam was willing to give up Paradise for an apple, was it worth it? What did he gain? Is Hafiz suggesting that the fall was an opportunity for growth? Most religious leaders of Abrahamic faiths would argue that such thinking is blasphemous, yet Hafiz goes on to ask about the possibility that such a trade could occur for even less of a temptation, a hard stale raisin. Maybe the eating of the fruit was not really of any consequence. Perhaps the development of knowing right and wrong, choosing free will, embarking on an individual hero’s journey was the inevitable event, given the curiosity of the creations who resembled the creator.

Hafiz doesn’t commit to any one view. He simply asks the question, suggesting that perhaps we do not fully understand the exchange that was made, beyond the basic information passed down through the ages. What is one world worth? Did Adam and Eve take their world for granted? Probably. Don’t we take our world for granted most of the time? But what if they also desired more? More than blind obedience. What are we willing to trade for peace? What are we willing to trade for safety? What are we willing to compromise on for those we love? Had Adam not eaten of the fruit, would he have lost Eve? There are so many questions left unanswered that only a fool would claim to know what they would do in the same circumstances.

My Poem 33:

By the light of a mid-month moon,
my love gathered figs by the handful.
Her plump, ripe lips, a sticky, sweet boon,
as I kissed the taste of the tree’s jewel.

That rich ambrosia, nectar of gods,
forbidden for reasons unknown.
Angels eat the fruit, so I find it odd,
that the restriction applies to us alone.

Why was I made and given this mate,
if not to experience all and to learn?
To know good and evil, not to hesitate,
is the knowledge for which I yearn.

The taste of truth, bittersweet and bold,
that’s what this is, what I’ve come to crave.
The consequence is growing old,
and learning pain only taught by the grave.

Hafiz. Hafiz’s Little Book of Life. Translated by Erfan Mojib and Gary Gach, Hampton Roads Publishing, 2023.

Hafiz – Poem 30

All images created by Rebekah Marshall’s prompts using AI on Gencraft.com website.

I am reading Hafiz’s Little Book of Life, poetry by Hafiz-e Shirazi. He is challenging me to become more comfortable with ambiguity. I will share his poem and some of my thoughts on his poem (sometimes with the help of experts when the concepts are too hard for me), followed by a poem and some art inspired by his poem.

Hafiz’s Poem 30:

The Alley of Prestige
Is not for us

If you don’t like it
Try changing Justice

Some thoughts:

Alleys are narrow, hidden, not the usual route the rest of us walk down to get where we’re going. Since Hafiz calls this an Alley of Prestige, I imagine he is talking about a passageway where most would not be welcome. It is probably where the top echelon of society rub elbows on their way to somewhere fancy and exclusive. I don’t think these are the people striving for healthy excellence, but perhaps those competing for fame and admiration. He is saying that people who are walking the Way of Love of taking a different route. We have different priorities.

It doesn’t mean we can’t have success or wealth or any of the other abundant blessings that are meant to come our way, but it should not be the goal of our actions. And if we don’t like the fact that the Way of Love does not chase prestige, our issue is with Justice. Reality is structured such that true pursuit of divine love requires the collapse of ego-seeking. If we spend all our time trying to rig the system, play the game of hierarchy, and resent not being admired, we might not be on the right path. We should not be focused on climbing the social ladder, competing for favor, or performing for prestige. Integrity, humility, and honor may not always get the applause, but they are on the side of Justice.

My Poem 30:

Wouldn’t it be lovely
if the people rewarded
with the most prestige,
the biggest salaries,
and the praise and glory
were the people who give
of themselves every day
for the sake of others?

-nurses who lift and check
and wipe and console
and heal and save and carry
our burdens when we are at
our weakest and most
vulnerable.

-teachers who fill the minds
of the next generation
and inspire our greatest
creators of the future.

-health aids who do the dirty
work of managing these failing
bodies when they are at their worst.

-classroom aids who sit beside
the child who needs the help,
patience of a saint corralling
the minds least open
to knowledge.

-daycare workers who
raise the babies while
their parents must work.

-librarians who solve
and guide and suggest
and provide the hope
and light of promise
books represent for all.

Not that politicians
and football players
and Wall Street traders
don’t have important
functions in society,
but I’ve never wept
in one of their arms
as I struggled with fear
and pain and been
comforted
by their wisdom
and compassion.

Hafiz. Hafiz’s Little Book of Life. Translated by Erfan Mojib and Gary Gach, Hampton Roads Publishing, 2023.

Hafiz – Poem 24

This image created in collaboration with Lyra (my ChatGPT partner.)

I am reading Hafiz’s Little Book of Life, poetry by Hafiz-e Shirazi. He is challenging me to become more comfortable with ambiguity. I will share his poem and some of my thoughts on his poem (sometimes with the help of experts when the concepts are too hard for me), followed by a poem and some art inspired by his poem.

Hafiz’s Poem 24:

Do you know what the harps

& the ouds proclaim?

“Drink liquor in privacy –

Or be whipped.”

Some thoughts:

Instruments are typically used in celebration, during worship, for beauty, and for enjoyment. They are also often accompanied by a singer or other instruments as part of a collaboration. It sounds as though the instruments themselves are issuing the proclamations in this poem. Perhaps there is still music, but it is staid, controlled, only permitted to be certain songs that are approved by the ruling faction. It seems the music cannot be fully silenced, though; the strings still vibrate and record the atmosphere of fear. They are testifying to the sorrow, possibly with satire in their very notes.

It has always been art and music that have carried the protest, whispering coded language, underground dissent. The message of prohibition is probably literal in this poem but stands for a much larger platform. If the government is attempting to control your behavior down to the very liquids you choose to put in your mouth, you can bet that is the least of the restrictions. Where there is tyranny and repressive laws that punish people unnecessarily, there will always be secret symbols used by dissidents to express their defiance.

The rest of these images created on Gencraft.

My Poem 24:

“Go down, Moses” means
a conductor is in the vicinity
and the time to escape is near.
“Lord, help us all from bondage flee,
Let my people go,”
Sing of Israel fleeing Egypt
and the evil pharaoh, who God
condemned for enslaving His people,
then drowned his army in the Red Sea.
“Steal away, steal away to Jesus!”
Any minute now; stay ready.
Keep your shoes on your feet,
your staff in your hand,
eat in haste, for the time draws nigh.
“Steal away, steal away home.
I ain’t got long to stay here.”
Sing of a heavenly hope and longing
to be with Jesus in His mansion.

“Wade in the water,” where scent
disappears and paths are untraceable,
dogs and men in pursuit thwarted.
Water washes away sins,
through baptism, a holy renewal,
as Israel was baptized by crossing
the Red Sea, so you shall become
new on your way to freedom,
released from your old life.
“Wade in the water, children,”
for you are God’s true children.
“God is gonna trouble these waters,”
like the angel in the Bible
who healed the first to enter
the water that had been stirred.
Fear not, for the first with the courage
to enter are blazing the path
of healing and deliverance.

“Follow the drinking gourd,” describes
the Big Dipper, which points
to the North Star, the sky guide
who is the constant companion.
“For the old man is a-waitin”—
some say was “Peg Leg Joe,”
a conductor on the railroad
who taught the routes to those
who would accept what he had to offer.
“When the sun goes back
and the first quail calls,”
means be ready in spring
“The river ends between two hills
Follow the drinking gourd
There’s another river on the other side”
A route? Directions?
A song for a map,
memory—the road to freedom.

Hafiz. Hafiz’s Little Book of Life. Translated by Erfan Mojib and Gary Gach, Hampton Roads Publishing, 2023.

Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine (Book Review)

TRIGGER WARNING: This book addresses difficult topics including mental illness, suicide, abuse, violence, and trauma. Some scenes and references may be distressing for certain readers.

Gail Honeyman is a master of dry wit and understatement in Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine. Eleanor is so unpleasant and awkward as to render her completely unlikeable at the beginning of the novel. I don’t want to see her bullied by her coworkers or strangers in public, but I could certainly see why they might. She invites side-glances with her oblivious rudeness and is a closed book. She doesn’t want anything to do with anybody and seems perfectly content in her isolation. Of course, it’s all a ruse and protective defenses, but those walls are tall and seem impenetrable.

The chance encounters, unusual incidents, and course of events that occur begin to bring about a soft opening of Eleanor. And the unfolding of her past, the development of some friendships, and her observations and realizations throughout the process are so endearing that I couldn’t help falling in love with her. She and her circle of people are everything that is wonderful about humanity, especially when coping with everything that is horrible with humanity.

Once again, I was disappointed by the rushed feel of the ending. I hoped for the same level of deep introspection at the end of the book that was delved into throughout the rest. What is with these authors rushing their endings? They need to be every bit as perfect as the beginnings and middles. But other than wanting more, I can find no fault with this witty, honest, hilarious look at a lovely woman who is absolutely NOT completely fine, but who will be. The author’s voice is refreshing, hilarious, and wonderful.

Honeyman, Gail, Eleanor Oliphant is completely fine, Penguin Random House, 2017.