Tag Archives: illness

What is to be done? – (Day 19)

March 12, 2016 rebekahjmarshall 4 Comments

Today’s assignment is the completion of yesterday’s complaints/grievances. I was supposed to consider anything I could do to improve any of those areas.

Pain – I have been trying everything suggested to manage my pain. I will continue to try different things until I find an answer. At this moment, I do not have a satisfactory solution. If I had one, I would quickly employ it. I do not want to take medications that could become addictive or have other unhealthy side-affects. I use chiropractic care currently and take some anti-inflammatories when I can barely cope. Ice helps, as does rest. Mostly, I cry, and moan, and shift positions until I can bear the discomfort temporarily.

Excess Weight – I joined Weight Watchers and tried pretty hard for about a month. Then I didn’t try very hard for about a month. I suppose I should try again (I’m stuck for at least another month in order to get one of my months back free.)

Joint Problems – See pain…except that I know I need to get back to my stretching to improve my flexibility.

Too much Housekeeping – I need to streamline my chores, actually do them regularly, ask David to do more, and continue to declutter so there is less to clean.

David’s Dog – I try not to do much related to Aiko. I need to encourage David to get her into obedience training, though.

Low Energy – Not sure on this one. I’m getting enough sleep. Maybe weight loss and less pain could improve the low energy.

Ungrateful Children – Not much I can do here, but I can let my kids know when they have hurt my feelings and set some boundaries when I feel taken advantage of.

Depression – Again, I don’t want to take medication. In the past there have been too many side affects. I think the weight, pain, joint problems, and energy are all connected to the depression.

Unpleasant Hurtful Ex-Husband – There is nothing I can do about this right now. I just continue to take the high road.

Religious Discomfort – I think I need to recommit to prayer time. I am doing some meditation and reading spiritual matters, but feel like prayer is lacking. The discomfort related to my religion of origin may resolve itself someday, but for now, I think I just have to sit with it.

Tight Finances – I am working to try to publish. I am hoping that will be my ticket to more finances so the tightness will disappear.

Taxes – I have set up a payment plan. It will take time.

Unkind People Who Purposely Hurt Others – Nothing I can do there, except speak up when I see it happen.

Bedtime Schedules – I don’t think there is a solution to this. David is a night owl. I like to go to bed early and rise early whenever I can. I need to talk to David and try to problem-solve.

Having to work too much – I am going to publish books. That will be my supplementary income. Then I can just teach and write. I won’t need a second job.

Health, Writing

Weight Watchers – (Day 18)

March 10, 2016 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

My assignment for today was to turn to the person next to me and ask what I should write about. That just so happens to be my husband David. He suggested writing about my disappointment with my body lately via my Weight Watchers program. Those weren’t his exact words, but that was the general gist.

So earlier he asked how my program was going. That is just opening a whole can of worms. Not only have I not been following my program, but tomorrow is weigh in day and I don’t even want to go. I didn’t go last week because I was sick. I had been doing well up until I got sick. Then I couldn’t find anything that would sit well on my stomach for days afterwards. I basically ate whatever tasted good and as much of that as I wanted.

Anyway, that was the beginning of a downward spiral as far as portion control, healthy eating, and tracking what I eat. I have had over a week of eating everything in sight until I actually felt full. Sigh…

I was doing really well for six weeks. I lost seven pounds, was moving around a bit more, and felt like I was making better choices over all. Honestly, though, I was still hungry often and not really satisfied. I felt like I was always on guard, writing down every single thing that went into my mouth, belaboring how many points everything was, and debating the merits of each and every bite. It felt a little neurotic, but at least I wasn’t gaining any more weight.

I am fairly certain that if I go to Weight Watchers tomorrow, I will have gained weight. It will confirm that my natural state of feeling satisfied by food means getting fatter and fatter. So I am sad and discouraged and have basically given up…

Health, Writing

Receipt Memories – (Day 5)

February 20, 2016 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

For today’s assignment, I was supposed to find a receipt and say what I can remember about the day I made the purchase.

My husband and I got in around 1 in the morning after driving home from his martial arts class 3 /12 hours away in Houston. We were exhausted and probably fell asleep by 1:30 or 2:00am. Suddenly, I was awakened by David fiddling with my phone around 3:45am. Because my ringer was silenced, I didn’t know my daughter had been calling and texting for 30 minutes straight. David woke up somehow and alerted me.

She was at the emergency room with heart palpitations brought on by unknown causes. A friend of hers got her to the hospital and my grandmother kept the baby. I sat in the room with her and her friend for a few hours talking, reassuring, and asking the doctors questions they couldn’t answer.

When it became apparent that it was going to be a few more hours before she would be released, the doctors were declaring all the major systems working fine, and her friend was planning to stay with her, I headed home to sleep some more. I was exhausted and running on fumes.

My alarm was set for 9:30am because I had a 10:00am appointment to get my Depo shot. From there I headed to my grandmother’s to check on my daughter and granddaughter. On the way, my Mema asked if I could stop by Walgreens and pick up Lydia’s prescription for an anxiety med. The doctors ruled her episode a panic attack brought on by anxiety. Who knows if that is the real diagnosis. My grandbaby Charlotte was in a great mood, running all over and entertaining everyone. My sister and brother-in-law were there, too. It was good fun.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing with my husband watching episodes of Community and Friends. We made salmon for dinner and enjoyed a day off on a weekday. It was President’s Day and my school was closed. David’s company was shut down, too. We had a lovely relaxing evening. He painted. I wrote. Life was good. It started scary and rough, but ended well.

I think one of my favorite moments was at 3 something am when my sweet husband offered to accompany me to the hospital. He was even more tired than me after hours of martial arts, but offered to come with me. I am a lucky, lucky woman.

Health, Writing

HEB Jungle

July 14, 2015 rebekahjmarshall 1 Comment

It has been one week since my pain left my joints. I have finished my cleanse and am now following a strict diet that does not include any inflammation-causing ingredients…mostly consuming fruits, veggies, lean meats, and drinking tons of water. I still walk with a limp, tire easily, get cramps and twinges of discomfort, and have swelling that has not gone away entirely. I am feeling a little more hopeful, though.

The other day I stood up and my hip caught, causing shooting pain all the way to my head. I doubled over on the bed and wept ferociously. All the terror of an impending lifetime of crippling pain overwhelmed me and I just broke down. My poor fiance witnessed my hysteria, tried to console me, and quite heroicly never said another word about it once I was all better. Such a gentleman. I have to accept that it will not be all smooth sailing. I am sure my road to recovery will be arduous and fraught with setbacks, as all roads to recovery seem to be. Why would I expect it to be otherwise? But I can’t give up at each obstacle or I’ll never get to the good stuff.

Yesterday, my daughter left me in charge of my granddaughter in the car while she shopped. She thought we should drive around the parking lot in the air conditioning so I wouldn’t have to walk and we could stay cool in the Texas heat. Instead, we went on an adventure…something I never would have done a week ago. Charlotte and I created a pram out of one of the smaller carts and explored the jungle that is HEB’s outdoor garden center. We touched each and every flower, bush, and plant that looked safe. We wheeled under hanging plants and looked at them from below. We weaved in and out of potted trees and stood underneath giant fans that made the shaded area quite comfortable, despite the 95 degree Texas heat.

We got thirsty and enjoyed refreshments next to a beautiful large-leafed plant that looked very exotic. Charlotte stared at it the entire time she drank her bottle. For the first time in a very long time, I did something that involved walking, entertained my grandbaby successfully, and spent time outside in a nature-like setting. This was big for me. The warmth, good bottle, and spirit of adventure took their toll and left us both quite spent, but it was good fun. Charlotte is a good recovery partner. She does not judge my need for breaks, does not hurry me along, goes right along with my crazy ideas, and takes naps. My kind of girl.

Health, Writing

Knock on Wood

July 7, 2015 rebekahjmarshall 7 Comments

I am not superstitious, but I hesitate to write this post the way people are afraid of speaking blessings out loud because the devil might steal them or people knock on wood that they have been spared. Part of me is thrilled. Part of me is scared.

The thrilled part would like to announce that, as of today, I am pain free. Gone is my cane. Gone is my limp. Gone is the agony with every step that dictated all my plans and efforts on a daily basis. I am on day 5 of my cleanse, and as promised, my pain is gone. My healer actually said it might take the full 14 days, but I’m not going to look a gift-horse in the mouth. I am not comfortable, per say, but I am free of pain. What I feel now is weakness in muscles that have not been used properly for far too long. There is also tightness and difficulty with movement in my joints, like they are unaccustomed to moving. Much still needs to be done to recover fully, but to be given a day off from pain. My eyes fill with tears of joy and relief as I write this. I must re-learn to walk properly, use mindful walking, and not overdo it. I must walk before I run, metaphorically speaking…or perhaps quite literally. I never thought I would do either again in this lifetime. I have dreams of running the same as dreams of flying. Both are desires my body has not been capable of lately.

Now the scared part must rear its fearful head. What if this reprieve is temporary? How many days do I have? One, two, a week? What if it is only a side-effect of the cleanse and as soon as that is over my pain returns? Perhaps I will be like Charley in Flowers for Algernon, all too aware of my impending decent back to my normal, which is unacceptable. I want this to be my new normal. I am not able to just stay in the now and appreciate a day free of pain. I want to forecast the future and in the process drive myself crazy. I know I am supposed to stay in the present, focus on the here and now, be content with this moment of pain-free existence that is enveloping me in peace. Perhaps admitting my fear gives it less control over me.

Health, Writing

Toxic Emotions

July 2, 2015 rebekahjmarshall 1 Comment

So far today, I have burst into tears five times for no apparent reason – twice while driving. I know it has to be a combination of illness and this dramatic cleanse, but I still feel a little out of control and it is disconcerting. Emotional outbursts were not listed among the side effects of this process, but it only makes sense. If my body is rapidly ridding itself of toxins, that will probably mess with hormones, serotonin levels, you name it. I will be patient, make no major life decisions in the next two weeks, and warn those closest to me.

I wish I could take off work, especially my night shifts this weekend. I was told today that I will be extremely fatigued for the next two days. Great.

On a bright note, my latest colonic was apparently extremely “productive” and my healer says I should be feeling better by Sunday. Woohoo! Here’s to hope, a step by step process to wellness, and someone to guide me out of this dark abyss I have been wallowing in.

Health, Writing

My Cleanse

July 1, 2015 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

This afternoon I began a cleanse under the care of a local healer whose methods I trust and have experienced firsthand. Her name is Karen Million and she works out of Lake Travis Wellness Center. http://www.laketraviswellnesscenter.com/

I began seeing her many years ago for pin and stretch massage therapy to help with a Salsa injury. Her technique was horribly painful, but she had me back to dancing in no time and her explanations of how the body works changed my whole perspective on healing. From day one, she told me my entire body was inflamed and I needed to be detoxified. I listened politely, but secretly poo-pooed her advice in that area. It all sounded like quackery to me.

Fast forward to now. She has continued to heal my muscles and joints when I am in the most pain, and has continued to assert that the underlying cause of my pain is inflammation that needs to be managed. My fibromyalgia, arthritis, injury proneness – all point back to toxic inflammation throughout my body. Long story short, I bit the bullet, agreed to more of Karen’s draconian healing methods, and have embarked on a cleansing journey.

Parts of this will probably be unpleasant: no food for 14 days, daily colonics, some nasty tasting herbs and vitamins, most certainly pain level increases as my body pulls toxins from my organs and they try to lodge themselves elsewhere in my body, fatigue, and flu-like symptoms.

The rewards will hopefully outweigh the yuckiness: by the end I should feel better, have lost some weight, have less joint pain, be rid of some nasty toxins and parasites, and have decreased my overall inflammation.

I am ready for a change. I want to dance again. I want to walk without limping. I want to be able to manage household tasks without breaking down in tears from exhaustion and pain. I want to feel sexy and strong. It is empowering to take this step. I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time that my ailments are fixable. So long tea and soda. So long junk food. Reverse osmosis ice water is my new best friend.

Health, Writing

Playing Nurse

July 1, 2015 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

Everyone around me is sick – my fiance, my daughter, my granddaughter…even my cat. I kid you not, two kids threw up in my classroom today. Germs are having a heyday right now for some reason. Hopefully, my body has recuperated from my last illness enough to fight off these latest bugs. It must be a variety of illnesses, because everyone’s symptoms are different. Some of them have sore throats, congestion, fever. Others have laryngitis, bloodshot eyes, lack of appetite. Then there are those throw-uppers. What’s that about?

Needless to say, I find myself suddenly in the role of nurse…not my finest hour. There is a reason I did not go into the medical profession. Whatever that spark of empathy is that medical personnel have that makes them want to help people with snotty noses, whimpering in pain, or vomiting their guts out…I did not get that gene. I was not the cookies and kisses and booboo bunny kind of mom with my kids. They went to their dad for that nurturing. I was the “you’re not bleeding, you’re ok, can you bend it?, here’s some ice, please make it to the toilet next time” kind of parent. It meant I was calm in a crisis and could get them to the emergency room if need be while their dad was paralyzed by empathetic grief-pain, but it never endeared me to anyone as a good nurse.

I’m trying to do better. I made my fiance dinner (which he did not eat despite repeatedly saying he was hungry and needed nourishment). I offered to take his puppy Aiko to get her shots so he wouldn’t wear himself out. He refused and took her, wore himself out, and could barely crawl back into bed. I had to practically force my daughter to let me take her to the doctor because she was beginning to look like a skeleton, had eaten nothing in days, and was not getting better. She wanted to just stay in bed and get progressively worse until she shriveled up and died…despite the fact that she is nursing my granddaughter and kind of needs to live.

That is when it hit me. I can’t nurse well because people suck at being patients. You are suppose to do what the nurse says, take your medicine, drink your fluids, stay in bed, and follow doctor’s orders. I get sick a lot and deal with chronic pain, fibromyalgia, arthritis, injuries (due to clumsiness and overdoing it) and I am a very good patient. I take every last dose of antibiotics if (GOD forbid) I am prescribed them. I do every last painful stretch or exercise any physical therapist assigns me. Even when I was at my worst and had to go to the hospital with food poisoning, they were surprised that I only needed one bag of fluids. A nurse told me to push fluids, so I continued drinking even though every single sip was torture. I follow directions. I can’t help these people get well. I can’t fix their ailments. I guess all I can do is try to offer some comfort.

My fiance wants to know what I am doing right this second. He said he wants me to come hold him while he sleeps. Um…we are going to have to find a compromise. This nurse might be able to offer a foot rub. Then I’ve got to get back to my real imaginary job…writing.

Health, Writing

Campylobacter Disaster

June 29, 2015 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

I have never been as sick as I was a few weeks ago. I picked up the campylobacter bacteria somewhere (possibly cleaning up after the new puppy, eating farm fresh eggs, or that delicious vegetarian ramen at a location that will remain nameless because they are awesome and there is just no way to know for sure.) I am fairly certain that I was already in the throws of a stomach virus that had been going around the hospital where I work when I picked up the bacteria. That spiraled me into horrific gastric pyrotechnics, delirium, fever, muscle weakness and pain, colitis, joint pain, constant nausea for several weeks straight, a fall that resulted in an injured ankle, and the need for an emergency room visit for antibiotics and hydration. Not fun. Those tiny little organisms can wreak havoc.

Now that I am mostly recovered from the affects of the illness, I am getting antsy. I am still limping from the twisted ankle, so I can’t start jumping on my trampoline, dancing Salsa, or walking. The county health department asked me to wait another week before swimming in a public pool, just to be safe. Sunday, July 5, I am going for a swim. Until then, I am going to continue stretching and walking as much as my ankle will tolerate. At least I am off the cane I was having to use for a week.