Tag Archives: mental health

Map My Week – (Day 7)

February 24, 2016 rebekahjmarshall 2 Comments

For today’s assignment, I’m supposed to map out my week to see where most of my time is spent. Um…I think I already know that my time goes to work and sleep for the most part…not very exciting.

Monday – 9 hours work, 9 hours sleep, 1 hour hygiene, 1 hour food prep, 3.5 hours David time (husband), .5 cleaning

Tuesday – 9 hours work, 9 hours sleep, 1 hour hygiene, 1 hour food prep, 4 hours Charlotte time (granddaughter)

Wednesday – 9 hours work, 9 hours sleep, 1 hour hygiene, 1 hour food prep, 3.5 hours David time (husband)/ writing some, .5 cleaning

Thursday – 9 hours work, 9 hours sleep, 1 hour hygiene, 1 hour food prep, 1 hour driving, 1 hour Weight Watchers, 2 hours WriteHers’ Group

Friday – 9 hours work, 9 hours sleep, 1 hour hygiene, 1 hour food prep, 3.5 hours David time (husband), .5 cleaning

Saturday – 8.5 hours work, 9 hours sleep, 1 hour hygiene, 1 hour food prep, 4 hours friends and family time, .5 cleaning

Sunday – 8.5 hours work, 9 hours sleep, 1 hour hygiene, 1 hour food prep, 4 hours David time (husband)/ writing some, .5 cleaning

Totals – 62 hours work, 63 hours sleep, 7 hours hygiene, 7 hours food prep, 2.5 hours cleaning, 18.5 hours David time/writing some, 2 hours WriteHers’ Group, 4 hours friend and family time, 1 hour Weight Watchers, 1 hour driving

Yep…just as I thought. I work too much and have no alone time.

Health, Writing

Receipt Memories – (Day 5)

February 20, 2016 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

For today’s assignment, I was supposed to find a receipt and say what I can remember about the day I made the purchase.

My husband and I got in around 1 in the morning after driving home from his martial arts class 3 /12 hours away in Houston. We were exhausted and probably fell asleep by 1:30 or 2:00am. Suddenly, I was awakened by David fiddling with my phone around 3:45am. Because my ringer was silenced, I didn’t know my daughter had been calling and texting for 30 minutes straight. David woke up somehow and alerted me.

She was at the emergency room with heart palpitations brought on by unknown causes. A friend of hers got her to the hospital and my grandmother kept the baby. I sat in the room with her and her friend for a few hours talking, reassuring, and asking the doctors questions they couldn’t answer.

When it became apparent that it was going to be a few more hours before she would be released, the doctors were declaring all the major systems working fine, and her friend was planning to stay with her, I headed home to sleep some more. I was exhausted and running on fumes.

My alarm was set for 9:30am because I had a 10:00am appointment to get my Depo shot. From there I headed to my grandmother’s to check on my daughter and granddaughter. On the way, my Mema asked if I could stop by Walgreens and pick up Lydia’s prescription for an anxiety med. The doctors ruled her episode a panic attack brought on by anxiety. Who knows if that is the real diagnosis. My grandbaby Charlotte was in a great mood, running all over and entertaining everyone. My sister and brother-in-law were there, too. It was good fun.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing with my husband watching episodes of Community and Friends. We made salmon for dinner and enjoyed a day off on a weekday. It was President’s Day and my school was closed. David’s company was shut down, too. We had a lovely relaxing evening. He painted. I wrote. Life was good. It started scary and rough, but ended well.

I think one of my favorite moments was at 3 something am when my sweet husband offered to accompany me to the hospital. He was even more tired than me after hours of martial arts, but offered to come with me. I am a lucky, lucky woman.

Health, Writing

Thanks to… (Day 2)

February 15, 2016 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

Today’s assignment is to appreciate things people have taught me in life.

Thanks to Charlotte who taught me what it feels like to be a grandmother.

Thanks to Boaz who taught me how to let go.

Thanks to Lydia who taught me to love unconditionally.

Thanks to Tony who taught me to endure difficulty and remain compassionate.

Thanks to David who taught me how to relax and love again.

Health, Writing

30-Day Challenge: Day 1 – Write a Fan Letter

February 14, 2016 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

Today’s assignment is to commit to 30 days of doing something without breaking the chain. After 30 days I get a prize of my choosing. I am going to commit to actually doing these exercises and blogging them daily for 30 days. As for my prize…I’ll have to think about that. I can pick anything!!!

Today’s assignment is to Write a Fan Letter.

Dear Dr. Martha Beck,

Thank you for all the help and guidance you have given to me in my life. I have read every one of your books and every article written in O the Oprah magazine. At night before I go to sleep, I read a few pages of Finding Your Way in a Wild New World. I call you my guru when quoting you to others.

Part of my connection to your writing is the religious element. I read your book Leaving The Saints about your strict religious background that you broke away from to create the life you have now. Only someone who has survived such an experience can understand. Knowing you have come from that place makes me trust your advice all the more and makes it more relevant to my own experience.

I have become more open to the spiritual element in my life thanks to meditation exercises, written exercises, and insightful quotes that you have shared in your books. I’ve begun writing as a future career path thanks to reading Finding Your Own North Star. And the monthly articles in O give great, useful, life advice that I have shared with many a friend in crisis. I hope someday I can afford to hire you as a Life Coach or attend a retreat, but in the meantime I’ll garner all the wisdom I can from your writing.

The fact that you love and quote Mary Oliver is the icing on the cake. You spur me to heroic adventures that “break my heart, by which I mean only that it break open and never close again to the rest of the world.”

Thank you for your loving help through your heartfelt writing,

Rebekah Marshall

Health, Writing

4 Vacation Days Left

August 8, 2015 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

I have thoroughly enjoyed this vacation. I have filled it a bit too full at times, but I made up for that yesterday with two long naps! My creativity course is proceeding splendidly. I am in week 2 and have done all of my writing exercises each and every day. I’m learning a little bit about my own habits and weaknesses that tend to interfere with my time for writing. I am also learning a plethora about my own creative potential and how much untapped awesomeness is contained in this universe. I don’t have to believe that every ounce resides in me, but simply that I can be a channel to get it on paper. I have to develop the willingness to let all that energy and beauty flow through me. Part of the willingness is simply showing up to the page and taking the steps to do the work. I do a ton more daydreaming about writing than actually writing. 🙂

Also, I am very excited to report that my sweet fiance has a three day weekend, which he will be spending with me when he wakes up. He was up during the night with a sick dog. I was no help. I was conked out. The dog and I are fine this morning, but my poor man is exhausted and needs to sleep the morning away.

Super amazing news – I have reached my summertime swimming goal of 60 laps. I’m not resting on my laurels, though. Now I’ve decided to set a new goal of 66 laps because my grandfather figured out that 66 (considering all the measurements of his pool) would equal half a mile. I just like the sound of swimming a nice round half mile.

This has been one of my best vacations ever. I have Salsa’d, written, read, sipped tons of tea, played with my granddaughter, attended support groups, worked on my creativity course, cleaned house making my environment more livable, swam, had outings with friends, gone to the movies, taken myself out to eat, roamed bookstores, and napped to my heart’s content. This is the way to live.

Health, Writing

Summer Vacation!!!

August 2, 2015 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

This was how I felt by the last day of summer school — white knuckling it — and so left my room like this:

Ok, maybe not quite that bad, but I certainly did not leave it in any shape for the start of school. I will deal with that when I return for the year. I am on vacation!

A kid asked if I will miss her and I said, “Probably not. I’ll only be gone a week.” She looked a bit wounded, but, come on. I couldn’t muster the energy to come up with a creative response and I don’t lie to my students. I should have said something like, “Probably as much as you’ll miss me,” but my brain was sluggish…due to her and her cronies exhausting me.

My dream goal five years from now is to be able to summer in Colorado or somewhere else cool (literally not hot like Texas.) I will rent a cottage in the mountains and write for three months straight. It will be a true retreat and I will return refreshed, enlightened, and ready to teach because I have truly had a break.

This is a real goal, not a far-fetched pipe dream. I became a teacher so I could read and tell stories all day and have the summers off. I have not had the summer off for the last 14 years. Not cool. I do get to do the story part, though.

For this vacation, I am writing, beginning The Artist’s Way 12 Week Course by Julia Cameron, dancing, swimming, and taking naps every day. So far, my vacation has been a blast and I am appreciating every single second that I am not at work.

Health, Writing

HEB Jungle

July 14, 2015 rebekahjmarshall 1 Comment

It has been one week since my pain left my joints. I have finished my cleanse and am now following a strict diet that does not include any inflammation-causing ingredients…mostly consuming fruits, veggies, lean meats, and drinking tons of water. I still walk with a limp, tire easily, get cramps and twinges of discomfort, and have swelling that has not gone away entirely. I am feeling a little more hopeful, though.

The other day I stood up and my hip caught, causing shooting pain all the way to my head. I doubled over on the bed and wept ferociously. All the terror of an impending lifetime of crippling pain overwhelmed me and I just broke down. My poor fiance witnessed my hysteria, tried to console me, and quite heroicly never said another word about it once I was all better. Such a gentleman. I have to accept that it will not be all smooth sailing. I am sure my road to recovery will be arduous and fraught with setbacks, as all roads to recovery seem to be. Why would I expect it to be otherwise? But I can’t give up at each obstacle or I’ll never get to the good stuff.

Yesterday, my daughter left me in charge of my granddaughter in the car while she shopped. She thought we should drive around the parking lot in the air conditioning so I wouldn’t have to walk and we could stay cool in the Texas heat. Instead, we went on an adventure…something I never would have done a week ago. Charlotte and I created a pram out of one of the smaller carts and explored the jungle that is HEB’s outdoor garden center. We touched each and every flower, bush, and plant that looked safe. We wheeled under hanging plants and looked at them from below. We weaved in and out of potted trees and stood underneath giant fans that made the shaded area quite comfortable, despite the 95 degree Texas heat.

We got thirsty and enjoyed refreshments next to a beautiful large-leafed plant that looked very exotic. Charlotte stared at it the entire time she drank her bottle. For the first time in a very long time, I did something that involved walking, entertained my grandbaby successfully, and spent time outside in a nature-like setting. This was big for me. The warmth, good bottle, and spirit of adventure took their toll and left us both quite spent, but it was good fun. Charlotte is a good recovery partner. She does not judge my need for breaks, does not hurry me along, goes right along with my crazy ideas, and takes naps. My kind of girl.

Health, Writing

Knock on Wood

July 7, 2015 rebekahjmarshall 7 Comments

I am not superstitious, but I hesitate to write this post the way people are afraid of speaking blessings out loud because the devil might steal them or people knock on wood that they have been spared. Part of me is thrilled. Part of me is scared.

The thrilled part would like to announce that, as of today, I am pain free. Gone is my cane. Gone is my limp. Gone is the agony with every step that dictated all my plans and efforts on a daily basis. I am on day 5 of my cleanse, and as promised, my pain is gone. My healer actually said it might take the full 14 days, but I’m not going to look a gift-horse in the mouth. I am not comfortable, per say, but I am free of pain. What I feel now is weakness in muscles that have not been used properly for far too long. There is also tightness and difficulty with movement in my joints, like they are unaccustomed to moving. Much still needs to be done to recover fully, but to be given a day off from pain. My eyes fill with tears of joy and relief as I write this. I must re-learn to walk properly, use mindful walking, and not overdo it. I must walk before I run, metaphorically speaking…or perhaps quite literally. I never thought I would do either again in this lifetime. I have dreams of running the same as dreams of flying. Both are desires my body has not been capable of lately.

Now the scared part must rear its fearful head. What if this reprieve is temporary? How many days do I have? One, two, a week? What if it is only a side-effect of the cleanse and as soon as that is over my pain returns? Perhaps I will be like Charley in Flowers for Algernon, all too aware of my impending decent back to my normal, which is unacceptable. I want this to be my new normal. I am not able to just stay in the now and appreciate a day free of pain. I want to forecast the future and in the process drive myself crazy. I know I am supposed to stay in the present, focus on the here and now, be content with this moment of pain-free existence that is enveloping me in peace. Perhaps admitting my fear gives it less control over me.

Health, Writing

Toxic Emotions

July 2, 2015 rebekahjmarshall 1 Comment

So far today, I have burst into tears five times for no apparent reason – twice while driving. I know it has to be a combination of illness and this dramatic cleanse, but I still feel a little out of control and it is disconcerting. Emotional outbursts were not listed among the side effects of this process, but it only makes sense. If my body is rapidly ridding itself of toxins, that will probably mess with hormones, serotonin levels, you name it. I will be patient, make no major life decisions in the next two weeks, and warn those closest to me.

I wish I could take off work, especially my night shifts this weekend. I was told today that I will be extremely fatigued for the next two days. Great.

On a bright note, my latest colonic was apparently extremely “productive” and my healer says I should be feeling better by Sunday. Woohoo! Here’s to hope, a step by step process to wellness, and someone to guide me out of this dark abyss I have been wallowing in.

Health, Writing

Romeo & Juliet

June 30, 2015 rebekahjmarshall Leave a comment

Today in summer school I am teaching Romeo and Juliet to a group of teenage girls. My presentation is not the romantic drivel most of them have heard before. We examine the play through different lenses and it becomes a fabulous cautionary tale. Each scene is analyzed for thinking errors on the part of the characters: Romeo’s impulsivity, all-or-nothing thinking, keeping score, and catastrophising; Tybalt’s overgeneralizations, one-upmanship, and uniqueness (thinking he is better than everyone else); Friar Lawrence’s magical thinking, grandiosity, sneakiness; etc.

The girls open to a whole new perspective when looking at these characters’ flaws and seeing their own behaviors in comparison. This is a school in a residential treatment center, so the young ladies I am working with have seen some stuff in their lifetimes. Many of them have attempted suicide (often over a lost love), have run away from their parents or their problems, have had numerous sexual encounters in over their heads and unprepared for the emotional fall-out at such a young age, and have been betrayed or misled by the adults in their lives who should have been better role models.

My favorite discussions with them involve re-imagining the scenes using healthy thinking, coping skills, support from trusted people, accessing available resources, etc. If just one person had done something different in this play, something productive, something thoughtful and helpful, it might not have ended in such tragedy. There are always more options. “To be or not to be” (to quote Hamlet) could be a much longer list. To be healthy, to be at peace, to understand, to be open…not to be afraid, not to be alone, not to be abused, not to be so hard on yourself.

Juliet was 13 for goodness sake. So much more happens in life after 13. I’m in my 40’s, have been through a marriage, divorce, children, grandchildren, and have just now found my Romeo. Building a good life takes time, learning from experiences, and resilience. I wish for each of my students today a new critical perspective that makes each of them a “master of her own fate.” *

*from Invictus by William Ernest Henley

#from Gnomeo & Juliet (Juliet kicking ass)