Tag Archives: writer

Healing the Whole Person – in Leslie Marmon Silko’s Ceremony

Introduction

Leslie Marmon Silko’s Ceremony follows the healing journey of a man named Tayo who has been devasted by a lifetime of abuse, neglect, and discrimination, and is now a surviving WWII prisoner of war. Silko addresses an important idea about healing that can be applied to many suffering from trauma. People need healing that touches mind, body, soul, relationships, nature, and society. Each strand is like a string of a spider web. Navajo tradition teaches that the world was created in part by a spider spinning a web of thoughts into existence. Tayo’s web strands become entangled due to evil influences and must be carefully untangled. Silko creates a variety of characters who help Tayo along his journey and is asserting that there is no one right way to heal. Tayo must reject the techniques that do not work and continue to search for methods that will bring peace, healing, and wholeness to his life. Integral to his healing will be the recognition of archetypes necessary to unify his self.

Literature Review

Many scholars have addressed different aspects of healing in Silko’s Ceremony, including Kristin Czarnecki’s focus on psychological healing in “Melted Flesh and Tangled Threads…” The trauma of being orphaned, mistreated for his mixed heritage, confused about his loyalty and pride in being Native American when others around are ashamed, and suffering from PTSD after returning home from WWII where he saw his cousin killed are carefully addressed in this piece (Czarnecki). Jude Todd addresses the physical healing Tayo must experience in his essay “Knotted Bellies and Fragile Webs…” Though the illness cannot be explained, it is very real for the protagonist. “Tayo’s ailment…he vomits repeatedly…if he continues this way he will die…”(Todd). Others focus on the spiritual/soul healing that needs to happen for Tayo’s health including Anthony Obst’s “Ceremony Found…” (Obst) and Jin Man Jeong’s “How and What to Recollect…” (Jeong). Gloria Bird explains that Christianity does not work for Tayo in her essay “Towards a Decolonization” (Bird). And others focus on the relationships that must be strengthened or severed, depending on how healthy they are to Tayo. Kurt Caswell addresses those that need to be released in “The Totem Meal…” (Caswell) and Jeong points out the people that should be remembered and embraced (Jeong). Still others focus in on the need to heal the land and claim a rightful place in society that is not subservient to colonial influences. Aaron Derosa’s “Cultural Trauma” (Derosa), Ana Brigido-Corachan’s “Things which don’t grow…” (Brigido), and Martin Premoli’s “His sickness…” (Premoli) are a few that analyze these aspects of healing that are larger than any one individual person. With so many elements necessary for Tayo’s healing, it is clear that there is no one right way to achieve that end. He must search and persevere through as many modalities as necessary until he finds the help and healing he needs. I will also show that part of that process is uncovering the conscious and subconscious archetypes present in his psyche so that he can unify his self.

Theoretical Model

The healing journey Tayo experiences can be viewed through a psychoanalytic lens due to the multiple layers of collective unconscious that he must sift through to find the images that work for him. Carl Jung theorizes that people wear a mask that is an outward representation of self, but must grapple with the shadow that is the inner darker self. Jung’s theories focus on myth, religion, and ritual as well as archetypes that for Tayo show up as people and creatures from his cultural stories. It is only by healing and unifying the disparate parts of himself that Tayo can become whole again and be a true self, which is the term Jung uses to define a whole, healthy human being.

Archetypes are like prototypes or symbols that represent common ways of thinking, behaving, or believing among people. People hold within their unconscious beings multiple archetypes that present themselves in different situations or as the need arises for that particular archetype’s qualities or strengths to be utilized. Jung believed that archetypes “are continually…reproduced in all cultures in all ages” (Mackey-Kallis). Because the stories recorded by humans throughout time have consistently utilized these archetypes, it is believed that they are a part of the collective unconscious for all humans, hardwired like instinct into the human psyche. To have a healthy self, people must find balance between their unconscious and conscious realities. Because Tayo is struggling with this unification, he is unwell, and his personality is fractured. He must embark upon a journey to unify his unconscious and conscious realities while uncovering the strengths of his innate wisdom found in each of his archetypes.

The main archetypes he will access are as follows: the child, the hero, the hunter, the shadow, and the anima. He will also interact and learn from archetypes that affect him including the father, the trickster, the mother, and the wise old man. It is through these various experiences and interactions that Tayo will be able to heal and unify the different aspects of his consciousness so he will no longer be a fractured self.

Analysis – Healing the Mind and Body

In the beginning of Ceremony, Tayo cannot stop throwing up. He is unable to function and remains bedridden most of the time because of overwhelming nausea. Western medicine in the form of medication, sedation, talk-therapy, and hospitalization have been unable to help him get a grip on his illness. The doctor from the military says “No Indian Medicine” but back home on the reservation, his family decides to call in a healer from their community (Silko 31). Silko shows that accepting help from within the community may be crucial in times of crisis. Ku’oosh is called in and reminds Tayo of the rattlesnakes who slither on their bellies near the cave that goes so deep it “enters into the very belly of the earth” (Todd). This memory makes Tayo’s stomach feel slightly better and Ku’oosh can go on to try to heal Tayo the old traditional way, reserved for warriors who have killed. Tayo has not killed anyone whose eyes he could see and cannot find words to explain to Ku’oosh the way modern warfare works, “…white warfare—killing across great distances without knowing who or how any had died” (Silko 33). Yet, he seems to feel better after the healing and keeps down some food. It is one step in his healing, though only the beginning.

He must also heal from the emotional trauma he has suffered throughout his life and especially recently in war time that has created mental anguish in the form of PTSD. Tayo has attempted to self-medicate with alcohol, like the other young veterans on the reservation, but his body often throws up the liquid and it is not the panacea for him that others experience. Silko seems to be addressing the issue with alcoholism that is prevalent in native communities, but does not decide to make that the focus of Tayo’s problems. He finds an unconventional healer Betonie who talks him through the trauma he experienced when the Japanese soldiers were executed in front of him and he saw his uncle Josiah as one of them. Betonie reassures Tayo that he is right and explains it in a way that works with his culture and the stories of his people, showing the collective unconscious that exists for humanity (Silko 114).  

Through his interactions with Betonie, Tayo becomes influenced by the archetype of the wise old man. He learns from Betonie and accepts the help he has to offer. Because something deep in his instinct recognizes the wise old man in Betonie, he is finally willing and able to accept that help unlike when it was offered before by others. Not only is the advice in line with what Tayo senses as true to his circumstances, but he follows through with the suggestions of Betonie showing that he develops trust in his ways.

Beonie’s rituals and ceremonies have an impression on Tayo’s healing. An article by Ted Kaptchuk analyzes ways in which Navajo rituals for healing affect the sick. It is couched in the scientific realm of placebo studies that compares rituals, acupuncture, and biomedical healing. After examining multiple ritual healings in which many participants reported improvement of their symptoms, conclusions were drawn that rituals can be affective. “Patient improvement…represents changes in neurobiology…Specific areas of the brain are activated and specific neurotransmitters and immune markers may be released” (Kaptchuk). Also, just as Tayo had to find a healer that was affective for him, the study showed that “different healers can have different effects on patients” (Kaptchuk). Even though Tayo engages in the ceremony and hopes that it will help, he is not completely convinced until he reaches the end and experiences healing. The same study reports that “when engaged in a ritual, patients do not abandon practical sensibilities. Hope, openness and positive expectancy are tempered with uncertainty and realistic assessment” (Kaptchuk). According to the science perspective, or as Silko might label it, the white man’s perspective, “ritual effects are examples of how environmental cues and learning processes activate psychobiological mechanisms of healing” (Kaptchuk).

Over time and through many days of adventures, Tayo begins to build his strength and improve his stamina. By the time he arrives at the apricot tree to encounter Ts’eh, he can keep down food more consistently. She cooks chili with corn and venison, and he eats. They make love and he sleeps peacefully having pleasant dreams. Each of these is a sign that he is improving, healing, gathering the pieces of himself to himself. When he awakens the next morning, he remembers the ritual of singing for the sunrise. His memories are coming alive and he is reconnecting with his people. He is now ready for the most rigorous portion of his adventure.

Analysis – Healing the Soul and Relationships

Tayo has been told terrible things about his mother his entire life. His aunt resents raising him, so he does not receive the motherly love that a child needs. When he returns to the makeshift village on the banks of the muddy river where he lived as a child, he is overcome by memories of pain, starvation, and neglect. His healing cannot begin until he recognizes the wounded child archetype within himself. He must relate to the people who continue to struggle for survival in much the same way he did as a child. The painful memories are nurtured when he gives spare change to several destitute people begging for money. Silko allows each piece of the healing to unfold naturally, as part of a journey or process that cannot be rushed or forced. Tayo also welcomes the reassurance from Betonie that part of his big story is the fact that he is a combination of cultures. Betonie is also mixed blood and is unconventional because he takes imagery and samplings of medicine from different cultures, “the ultimate collector and recycler of Western refuse” (Brigido). He is not afraid to adapt the methods to the person and the changing culture that accompanies the situation. He recognizes that without change, the ways of his people will die. These are lessons that Tayo must learn as well, in order to heal. It is through the ceremonies Tayo experiences that he realizes fully his spiritual place is with the native traditions, not Christianity. He needs the mother he never had, which he can only find in native stories, not Christianity. “Christianity separated the people from themselves…Jesus Christ was not like the Mother who cared for them as her children…” (Silko, Bird). Silko does not shy away from depicting the influence of Christianity as a negative force for the native community.

Tayo also has the opportunity to fall in love with a woman who brings him great comfort and help in his time of need. By embarking on the journey Betonie helps him to begin, he opens himself to the experience and is able to love and be loved in a way that has never happened for him before. The love that Tayo receives from Ts’eh shows him the archetype of the mother.  Her archetype provides comfort, is reassuring, and makes Tayo feel secure. Her presence is a key element in the final resolution of Tayo’s healing by helping him to capture the missing cattle he has been searching for and giving him a mission to plant the seeds that will rejuvenate the land. By passing on the task of planting, preservation, and regeneration, Ts’eh is awakening Tayo’s anima archetype. He will now show growth by presenting feminine qualities in a balanced way that was not available to him before. Tayo is only able to experience these things because he decides to accept help from the people who have his best interests at heart including “Old Grandma, Ku’oosh, Betonie,…Night Swan, Ts’eh, and Josiah” (Caswell).

Tayo must come to the realization that Josiah represented the father archetype for him. For years he receives advice, comfort, and companionship from Josiah. Tayo works the land with Josiah, chases the cattle with him, and protects Josiah’s secrets. He struggles with Josiah’s loss more than he can bear and needs help coming to terms with that loss. Because he must come to recognize the father archetype in Josiah, he is unable to heal until he makes right the loss of cattle and plight of the family’s farm. He must take ownership of his part in healing the financial and subsistence aspects of the family.

There are relationships Tayo must sever so he can heal. He can no longer cavort with his war buddies if he hopes to be healthy. Not only do their behaviors lead to negative outcomes regularly for Tayo, but they truly intend evil for him. Silko weaves myth into their final act, which is a ceremonial scene of witchery where two people are murdered. Tayo is the originally intended victim, and he is nearly pulled into the plot by the desire to save one of the victims. It is only after realizing that his involvement would result in a needless sacrifice or in him murdering another that he stays hidden and removed from further traumatizing himself with their evil. Tayo recognizes the trickster archetype in Emo as they are preparing the ceremony to kill the human sacrifice. Only once he sees the trickster for who he really is can he free himself from acting on his instincts. “The witchery had almost ended the story according to its plan…He would have been another victim” (Silko 235). This also required that Tayo recognize his own shadow archetype. He wants to ram the screwdriver he is holding into Emo’s head. He is trembling with the anticipation of being the savior turned martyr of the scene. Knowing he will kill, which will fulfil the witchery and make him implicit in the evil is what stops him from carrying out the murder.  In the terms of his cultural stories, he does not participate in the ceremony and thwarts evil’s desire to consume him. This releases the bond he shared with them and will no longer pull him from the healthy path he has embarked upon. After Silko shows Tayo avoiding the evil ceremony, she carefully constructs another ceremony for Tayo to participate in that shows the people he has decided to align himself with. He sits with the Laguna elders and tells “his story of healing” which “counters the witch’s story of destruction” (Caswell). With these people, he breaks bread and drinks healthy water, not alcohol (Silko 239). He is once again the hero archetype. He has broken the cycle of evil and good may bloom.

Analysis – Healing the Land and Society

Tayo’s pain is tied up in the plight of his people after white culture has stolen their resources (including uranium to make their atomic bombs), fenced off their grazing and hunting lands, and contributed to the “degradation of the…landscape” (Premoli). In order to begin to reconnect with the land, Tayo must spend time in nature. Silko uses the movement of Tayo’s journey to undo the curse of witchery by following the sunwise cycle (Swan). He must use his knowledge of the land and the ways of animals to track the cattle, a form of amends to his Uncle Josiah. His experiences observing the stars, clouds, weather patterns, herbs and plants used for healing, animal tracking, and geography remind him of his roots and further his healing. Silko shows the “boundarylessness” that should be when she has him cut open the fencing that white people used to slice up the land. During the scalp ceremony, Tayo first feels this lack of boundaries and realizes that it will take a long time for this type of healing to reach the entire world. Silko opens the door to that possibility, however, and implies that more tellings of stories that bring healing are the way to a future that is no longer bent on destruction.

As Tayo endures the difficulties of inclement weather, exhaustion, physical pain, and fear necessary to track the cattle he is determined to reclaim, he relies on instinct and ritual. When he thinks he can go no farther he receives help in the form of a mountain lion. He has collapsed beneath a tree in the pine needles overwhelmed by fatigue. He is sure his search is over until a mountain lion shows him the direction he needs to go to find the cattle. His rituals teach him that the mountain lion is the helper of the hunter. He sprinkles “yellow pollen into the four footprints” of the mountain lion in honor of the guidance with which he has been blessed (Silko 182). Once he finds the cattle, his instincts tell him that they will follow the fence line and head south. He hopes that their collective consciousness will drive them toward Mexico as their ancestors have always done. His instincts are relying on their instincts and he is right to do so. The animals do exactly as he hopes, and his patience pays off. He reclaims the cattle who have been unjustly stolen from Josiah and strengthens his own hunter archetype in the process.

The story Silko tells of Tayo’s pain demonstrates in one character the ways society has damaged an entire group of people. In English public schools, the native language is discouraged, their religious views and traditional ways of looking at the world are argued to be merely superstition, and the model for a future is to leave the reservation and make something of yourself elsewhere in white society. Tayo must fight back against the lies he has been told throughout his childhood of white superiority, shame for his appearance, language, and culture, and resentment at being used for violence in war by that same culture. He remembers a time in a science class when the teacher presented dead frogs for a lab. They were “bloated with formaldehyde, and the Navajos all left the room” (Silko 181). The teacher does not respect the traditions of the Navajos and is not even apologetic once he understands the offense. Rather, he laughs so hard he cries and makes fun of the children. He tells them their beliefs are “stupid” (Silko 181). These types of interactions occur throughout Tayo’s life. As an adult returned from war, he is told by the army doctors that his beliefs are merely “superstitions” (Silko 181). 

When Tayo is caught by the white cowboys for trespassing on a white man’s property, he is treated like a thief. They assume he is poaching deer or trying to steal a cow so he can have beef. Though Tayo does not confirm or deny their accusations, they decide to let him go so they can try to track the mountain lion. Once again, the mountain lion helps the hunter. They believe they have put him in his place and taught him a lesson. The Texan says, “These…Indians got to learn whose property this is” (Silko 188). They do not understand that they are the ones trespassing on Indian land, that they are the ones partitioning with fencing, hindering the natural grazing lands and flow of nature, the hunting grounds for all. When they finally leave, “he lay there and hated them” (Silko 189). He imagines tracking and killing them the way they are planning to harm the mountain lion. They do not understand the significance of the graceful cat they hope to kill. The more Tayo ponders his hatred of the white people, he comes to the realization that “it was the white people who were suffering as thieves do, never able to forget that their pride was wrapped in something stolen.” He comes to understand that the “destroyers had sent them to ruin the world” (Silko 189). He says that the white people had been tricked by the destroyers just as the Indians had. He cannot blame them for succumbing to the very same evil that his own people had.

Rather than devolve into a place of hatred toward white society or trying to figure out who to blame for all the evil, Tayo determines that witchery is the root cause of the evil unleashed on the world. He chooses to believe that people’s trickster archetypes and shadow archetypes have come to the fore. Silko seems to be saying through her text that rather than spend time seeking vengeance, people should put their energies into figuring out how to heal.

Results and Conclusion

The ending of Silko’s novel implies that Tayo has unified his self archetype and will be able to call upon the strengths of each of his archetypes as needed. If he is to heal the land and raise the cattle, he may need to call upon the nurturing of his anima (mother) archetype. If he needs to lead his family in tandem with Robert, he may need to call upon the father archetype (whether his aunt likes it or not.) He will need to continue to be the hero archetype so that he can help to heal his tribe and his family from the pain they have endured. Tayo probably has more healing to continue participating in, as creating a healthy life can take a lifetime, but he is on the right path. His journey is a model for anyone desiring to bring healing into their own lives.

Silko has created a model for analyzing which portions of a journey are ours, which portions belong to others, and which portions are a shared experience. Some aspects of Tayo’s journey are his alone to deal with. He must recognize that he gave his power over to the white government when he signed up to take part in World War II. He reveled in being treated like a war hero when in uniform and liking the way white women wanted him. He tried to escape with alcohol, self-pity, and sleep. He must come to terms with the fact that he survived when his cousin did not. These are his parts in the healing journey that he can take ownership of. The areas that are not his to own occurred at the hands of others. He cannot bear the guilt of his mother’s lifestyle that brought him into the world. He cannot bear the shame of his aunt’s negativity toward him because of his bi-racial genetics. He cannot take on the oppression he suffered at the hands of both Indians and white people who would not accept him as he was. Other people did these acts causing him to be a victim of those circumstances. Tayo must take part in a shared process of healing when it comes to his community, his family, and his relationships. He must be willing to work with his family to keep them provided for and functioning. He must be willing to work with the religious leaders in his community to strengthen their rituals and grow as a people. Ultimately, he must be vulnerable and giving if he hopes to love and be loved in the future.

This is the same for all humans. If we hope to heal from trauma, engage in meaningful relationships, and be part of the community in which we find ourselves, we will have to become empowered to experience a journey much like Tayo. Silko has written a myth and a parable that

is both inspiring and powerful because it examines the pain and recovery that is possible for anyone willing to face their shadow archetypes. If we are willing to examine our own archetypes and see those of others, we can unify our divided selves. Only then can we take responsibility for the ways we and our ancestors have harmed others and begin to rectify those evils.

Works Cited

Bird, Gloria. “Towards a Decolonization of the Mind and Text 1: Leslie Marmon Silko’s Ceremony.” Wicazo Sa Review. Vol. 9, No. 2 (Autumn, 1993), pp. 1-8, www-jstor-org.ezproxy.snhu.edu/stable/1409177?seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents

Brigido, Anna. “’Things which don’t shift and grow are dead things’: Revisiting Betonie’s Waste-Lands in Leslie Silko’s Ceremony.” Alicante Journal of English Studies. 27(2014): 7-23, eds-a-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=22&sid=280ec025-fedb-4ba3-9945-98d3d1a25659%40sdc-v-sessmgr03

Caswell, Kurt. “The Totem Meal in Leslie Marmon Silko’s Ceremony.” Interdisciplinary Studies in Literature and Environment. 15(2): 175-183; Association for the Study of Literature and Environment (ASLE), 2008, 1 July 2008, eds-a-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/ eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=3&sid=e07b3eb9-ba2a-4fa5-bac1-05895319b975%40sdc-v-sessmgr01

Causey, Tara. “The Only Cure Is a Dance – The Role of Night Swan in Silko’s Ceremony.” Western American Literature. 1 Oct, 2015, eds-b-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/eds/ pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=1&sid=97020738-c912-40a7-9306-bc301c837a14%40pdc-v-sessmgr02

Czarnecki, Kristin. “Melted Flesh and Tangled Threads: War Trauma and Modes of Healing in Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway and Leslie Marmon Silko’s Ceremony.” Woolf Studies Annual, 1 Jan. 2015, eds-a-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer? vid=1&sid=a9b0de2e-ed92-4a23-8cb3-d88432b7baa9%40sdc-v-sessmgr03

Derosa, Aaron. “Cultural Trauma, Evolution, and America’s Atomic Legacy in Silko’s Ceremony.” Journal of Literary Theory. 1 Jan., 2012, eds-a-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=2&sid=134fbcaa-3dea-454f-8b07-8dbbf22bd7d0%40sdc-v-sessmgr03

Jeong, Jin Man. “How and What to Recollect: Political and Curative Storytelling in Silko’s Ceremony.” Mosaio: An Interdisciplinary Cricial Journal. Vol. 49, No. 3 (September 2016), pp. 1-17, www-jstor-org.ezproxy.snhu.edu/stable/44030746?seq=1#metadatainfo_tab_content

Kaptchuk, Ted. “Placebo studies and ritual theory: a comparative analysis of Navajo, acupuncture and biomedical healing.” Philosophical Transactions of The Royal Society Biological Sciences. Volume 366, Issue 1572, 27 June 2011, doi-org.ezproxy.snhu.edu/10.1098/rstb.2010.0385

Mackey-Kallis, Susan. “Jungian archetypes and the collective unconscious.” Salem Press Encyclopedia of Health, 2019, eds-a-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/eds/detail/detail? vid=1&sid=fab8f0e6-92c3-49d0-a751-9410de786517%40sdc-v-sessmgr01&bdata=JnNp dGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#AN=93872068&db=ers

Obst, Anthony. “Ceremony Found: Sylvia Wynter’s Hybrid Human and Leslie Marmon Silko’s Ceremony.” as/peers – emerging voices in American studies. www.aspeers.com/2019/obst?fulltext

Phillips, Bernard. “Jung and Sociological Theory: Readings and Appraisal – Review.” Contemporary Sociology. 48, 5, journals-sagepub-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/ doi/pdf/10.1177/0094306119867060pp

Plaut, Alfred. “Freud’s ‘id’ and Jung’s ‘self’ as aids in self-analysis.” The Journal of Analytical Psychology. 1 Feb., 2005, eds-a-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/eds/pdfviewer/ pdfviewer?vid=14&sid=b9e8529d-0d1c-4a49-be56-d08f263dfddc%40sdc-v-sessmgr03

Premoli, Martin. “’His sickness was only part of something larger’: Slow Trauma and Climate Change in Leslie Marmon Silko’s Ceremony.” American Imago, Volume 77, Number 1, Spring 2020, Johns Hopkins University Press, muse-jhu-edu.ezproxy.snhu.edu/article/753067

Silko, Leslie Marmon. Ceremony. Penguin Group, 1977.

Swan, Edith. “Healing Via the Sunwise Cycle in Silko’s Ceremony.” American Indian Quarterly. Vol. 12, No. 4 (Autumn, 1988), pp. 313-328, University of Nebraska Press, www-jstor-org.ezproxy.snhu.edu/stable/1184404?seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents

Todd, Jude. “Knotted Bellies and Fragile Webs: Untangling and Re-spinning in Tayo’s Healing Journey.” American Indian Quarterly. Spring95, Vol. 19 Issue 2, p 155-170. 16p. muse-jhu-edu.ezproxy.snhu.edu/article/753067

Don DeLillo’s White Noise: Marxist & Deconstructionist Analysis

The human condition is filled with confusion, dread of impending death, and a yearning for a sense of peace to cope with the uncertainty. One author who has taken a stark look at these topics is Don DeLillo in his novel White Noise. When examined through both Marxist and Deconstructionist theoretical lenses, clear patterns emerge that reveal people caught in a cycle of consumerism and turning to technology for spiritual experience. One aspect of the Marxist concept of alienation applies to this novel because it considers the way in which people cannot live their best lives; they must spend all their time working to make money to buy things and then work more to continue the cycle. Another Marxist concept observed in White Noise is fetishism of commodities as pertains to equating objects with inherent value.

One deconstructionist concept that threads its way throughout the novel is hyperreality. Technology has become so interwoven into people’s lives, that symbols and representations of things are indistinguishable from the actual things themselves; technology can create spiritual connections that defy reason. Another deconstructionist idea is that of ambiguity or the impossibility of finding a definitive meaning through language. White Noise demonstrates that the disquiet caused by humanity’s fear of mortality can be comforted by participating in the cycle of consumerism, allowing objects to make us whole, experiencing the sublime using technology, and making peace with the random white noise inherent in existence.

For the characters in White Noise, consumerism is a panacea for both socioeconomic and existential angst. Purchases must occur as one of the economic functions necessary to perpetuate the cycle of consumerism. The Gladneys use the experience of shopping routinely throughout the novel to placate themselves. For example, in one passage of the book Jack decides to shop, and his family is enthused by his sudden interest. Jack says, “When I could not decide between two shirts they encouraged me to buy both. When I said I was hungry, they fed me pretzels…My family gloried in the event…” (DeLillo 3-4). Jack’s family enjoys using his purchasing power to meet each and every need or desire that arises. They revel in the experience of being consumers and helping Jack along in the process. The entire family seems to participate in the shopping experience each time they go to the supermarket, as well. “We moved together…Wilder sat in the shopping cart trying to grab items off the shelves…Steffie took my hand…” (DeLillo 35-36). They hold hands, stick together, and spend time as a family. Even the youngest child grabs items that interest him and adds them to the cart. Alienation (according to Marxism) has created a situation where families must carve out time together any way they can because work for survival has taken such a large chunk of time out of every day. One way the Gladneys have found time for each other is to shop together. They can purchase the items they need and spend time together in the process. This comforts them and helps them to bond.

Tom LeClair discusses this concept of using consumerism as a way to manage fear and comfort themselves in the face of uncertainty. It is a way for the Gladneys to enjoy time together in the outside world, but it is also a form of a sedative to dull their senses so they are not thinking about their real fears, including death (LeClair 394-395). The supermarket is also one of the spaces where Murray interacts with Jack; it is where Jack seems most susceptible to Murray’s suggestions. “This place recharges us spiritually…Here we don’t die, we shop” (DeLillo 37-38). There is a clear pattern in the novel of Murray’s ideas becoming Jack’s reality. In this instance, Murray’s ideas about shopping as a safe space where death is kept at bay seem to become a part of Jack’s way of thinking (Duvall 447). If shopping is a way to delay death, then more shopping will occur the more death is contemplated or feared. The experience of purchasing here is being used as a comfort when faced with the finality of mortality.

In order to create a continuation of the consumer cycle, there must be a phase of discarding old goods to make room for new goods. As Jack’s anxiety about death grows, he begins throwing away old possessions that he no longer thinks he needs. He says, “I threw away fishing lures, dead tennis balls, torn luggage…flinging things into cardboard boxes” (DeLillo 262). Ironically, his sense of security is always increased by having the resources to buy more and using his income to purchase whatever he wants.  In another passage of the novel where he is throwing away random items, his musings end with more buying potential arriving in the mail. “I was…discarding used bars of soap, damp towels…In several days, your new automated banking card will arrive…” (DeLillo 294). The entire process is a never-ending loop of consumerism. Jack makes room for more goods by throwing away old ones. In the process he finds the bank card he will use to purchase more goods. LeClair points out that when Jack is getting more fearful about dying, he goes on sprees “throwing objects away, trying to ‘say goodbye to himself’” (DeLillo 294). When he checks his bank balance by moving through a complicated set of electronic instructions, Jack says, “The system had blessed my life” (LeClair 395). He is even alienated from his own money by a system in place to provide buying power via electronic means. Though he has done work to earn the money, he must use a card sent to him in the mail to access that money to purchase the goods that will provide him the comfort from having to do the work that earned the money in the first place. The cycle is constant and unending.  

Fetishism of commodities also drives the need for more purchases in the novel. Adam Szetela addresses the phenomenon of commodity fetishism and explains how it connects to human psychology. “’The commodity image-system… provides…a vision of the world…self-validation that is…what one has rather than what one is (Jhally)’…a person ceases to be when they cease to have” (Szetela). Jack considers certain objects to be of weighty importance, like his glasses that are part of his persona as a professor. He doesn’t actually need them to see, but they make him look more professorial. “…I wore an academic gown and dark glasses day and night when I was on campus…” (DeLillo 32).  If anything, dark glasses that he does not need would be a hindrance at night, but he wears them anyway because they make him feel more like a professor. They cover up his insecurities. Because Jack sees some objects as characteristics of a person rather than simply items one owns, he is embarrassed when a coworker sees him in a store and says he looks totally different. “You look different without your glasses and gown…A big, harmless, aging, indistinct sort of guy” (DeLillo 82-82). He immediately has to go buy items to “reestablish his identity” (Szetela). If he does not have his costume on and is not viewed as a professor, perhaps Jack does not know who he is. If he does not know who he is, he must purchase other items to try and determine his reality.

This same fetishism of commodities is apparent in the Gladney children, as well. For example, when “Denise was wearing a green visor…Something about the visor seemed to speak to her, to offer wholeness and identity” (DeLillo 37). Objects can make people feel whole and help them to create an identity. Denise wears this item everywhere she goes and does not feel right without it. It temporarily becomes a part of her, an extension of or representation of her reality. Jack understands this and is not bothered by Denise’s need to wear the visor everywhere she goes. Toward the end of the novel when Jack contemplates murder as a means to extend his own life, he begins to cling to his new object of choice, a weapon. “I started carrying my Zumwalt automatic to school…The gun created a second reality…” (DeLillo 297). The object becomes a new piece of his secret identity. He is considering murder and carrying around a gun ensures that future reality will come to pass. If life can be prolonged by another’s death, a gun is a logical security object.

Besides using objects and purchasing power to manage misery, technology increasingly takes a front seat as a primary comfort for the characters. Technology has replaced nature as the source of the sublime. The television is always on in the Gladney’s home and even moves about the house depending on who is claiming ownership at the moment. All important information is gleaned from the device. The spiritual moments in the novel emerge from technology’s ever-present influence on the characters. One moment is when Jack is watching over Steffie sleeping. “Steffie…muttered something in her sleep…words that seemed to have a ritual meaning, part of a verbal spell or ecstatic chant…Toyota Celica” (DeLillo 154-155).

Paul Maltby analyzes the concept of technology as the source of the sublime and calls Jack’s spiritual experiences “visionary moments.” Even in their dreams, children are murmuring prayer-like chants of commercials. “Henceforth, even the most personal visionary experience appears to be constituted by the promotional discourses of a consumer society” (Maltby 500). Jack is desperate for a spiritual encounter of any kind. He is looking for signs everywhere because he is continually in crisis. When he hears magical sounding words spoken aloud by his sleeping daughter, he takes it as something religious, imbued with meaning. In reality, she’s been watching tv and has ads running through her brain even while she’s sleeping. Technology has taken over the dreams of children. In another instance, a sublime encounter occurs when a family member appears disembodied before them on the television. “…they followed my gaze to the…TV…The face on the screen was Babette’s…What did it mean? What was she doing there, in black and white…was this her spirit…” (DeLillo 104). It is a spiritual encounter for all of the family members to see Babette on the screen. The hyperreality created by the image of her, a symbolic representation of their mother/wife is before them in two dimensional moving pictures and they are in awe of the magic of it all. She is not physically present, yet her essence fills the room in a way they do not understand. Thanks to technology, they share in a moment of awe together. It leaves them disoriented and with a feeling of strangeness, much like other forms of spiritual encounters people experience.

Even the machines that manage the characters’ money are imbued with a sense of the divine. After checking his balance at an ATM, Jack has a sublime encounter. “Waves of relief and gratitude flowed over me. The system had blessed my life. I felt its support and approval…What a pleasing interaction…The system was invisible…” (DeLillo 46). Jack experiences a sense of awe, gratitude, and joy at interacting with the machine that can confirm how much money he possesses. It is as though he and the machine have shared communion and are one. His spiritual experience is tied up in systems of technology, labor, and financial security, but he merely recognizes it as a good feeling.

All attempts to purchase, find comfort, and achieve connection with others or a sense of the sublime in the novel are shrouded in the fog of white noise. White noise in the form of random static nonsense is part of the reality in which the characters live and try to create meaning for themselves. Bonca analyzes the concept of white noise as a natural part of human interaction. He says, “White noise is media noise, the techno-static of a consumer culture that penetrates our homes and our minds…” (Bonca 463). White noise in the form of random soundbites from the news, unusual observations by the narrator, annoying arguments from teenagers, siren cries from children, diatribes by coworkers, radio, television, reading aloud, car horns, dog barks, etc. assault the senses and create a backdrop out of input. People have convinced themselves that this is normal and life must consist of stimuli. One passage in the supermarket exemplifies this idea. “I realized the place was awash in noise. The toneless systems…the cries of children. And…under it all, a dull and unlocatable roar, as of some form of swarming life just outside the range of human apprehension” (DeLillo 36). The supermarket is one of the locations where the Gladneys appease their worries. They purchase items and connect with family members while shopping. In this very sanctuary of comfort, white noise is ever present. At the famous “tourist attraction known as the most photographed barn in America” there is white noise in the form of tourists, flashes, cars, signs, and mostly, the clicking of camera shutters. Everywhere the Gladneys go, white noise seems to be present.

Another passage speaks directly to white noise and explains its significance. Jack is speaking to his wife and contemplating the great fear between them, death. “What if death is nothing but sound?” Then a few lines later he says, “Sometimes it sweeps over me…I try to talk to it. ‘Not now, Death’” (DeLillo 198-199). Bonca says that every example of white noise in the book “shares a passion…to bridge the lonely distances…the denial of death, as the evasion of what cannot be evaded” (Bonca 464). If white noise is the nonsensical sounds all around, the constant input from technology, people, and the busy world we inhabit, then white noise represents life. Death would be the absence of those sounds. From a deconstructionist perspective, Babette and Jack have recognized the randomness of death when they equate it to white noise. In attempting to describe death, their words miss the mark and no ultimate meaning can be found. They remain unable to accept their fates as demonstrated by their constant attempts to prolong life via illogical means like harming others, taking dangerous drugs, and purchasing unnecessary goods. To truly make peace with death, the Gladneys must come to understand that it is already a constant they experience every day in the form of the randomness of white noise.

Using the Marxist theoretical lens to analyze White Noise, comfort can be found in life by connecting with family through the shopping experience. Confusion and dread can be calmed with the pocketbook. People can create personas and become whole when chosen objects become a part of their identities. Through the deconstructionist theoretical lens, moments of awe can be experienced through technological “magic” that creates a bond between humanity and machines. There is no ultimate meaning in life, but the novel implies that accepting that reality brings humans one step closer to peace. The need to find meaning is part of the white noise (also known as death) and serves no purpose but to disquiet the soul. Making peace with the random white noise inherent in existence is the same as making peace with the reality of death. Perhaps some who can relate to the themes in White Noise may examine the farcical experiences of the characters and find comfort for their own disquiet.

Works Cited

Bonca, Cornel. “Don DeLillo’s White Noise: The Natural Language of the Species.” College Literature, 00933139, , Vol. 23, Issue 2

California State University, Fullerton. “Biography.” College of Humanities and Social Sciences, Department of English, Comparative Literature, and Linguistics, english.fullerton.edu/faculty/profile/c_bonca.aspx

Curry College. “Employee Directory.” www.curry.edu/directory/szetela-adam#:~:text=Adam%20Szetela%20is%20an%20associate,politics%20in%20the%20United%20States&text=His%20personal%20website%20is%20Adam%2DSzetela.com.

DeLillo, Don. White Noise. Penguin Books, 1998.

Duvall, John. “The (Super)Marketplace of Images: Television as Unmediated Mediation in DeLillo’s White Noise.” White Noise Text and Criticism Edited by Mark Osteen. Penguin Books, 1998.

Dziech, Billie. “Meet…Tom LeClair.” College of Arts and Sciences, University of Cincinnati, 14 June 2004, www.uc.edu/profiles/profile.asp?id=6373

Henneberg, Julian. “’Something Extraordinary Hovering Just Outside Our Touch’: The Technological Sublime in Don DeLillo’s White Noise.” Aspeers, April 2011 p 51-73, 23p

Jhally, Sut. “Image­-Based Culture: Advertising and Popular Culture.” from “The World and I” July 1990, www.worldandilibrary.com

LaFave, Sandra. “The Marxist Critique of Consumer Culture.” 2 October, 2016, https://lafavephilosophy.x10host.com/marxism_and_culture.html#:~:text=As%20we%20have%20seen%20above,economic%20conditions%20have%20never%20existed.

Maltby, Paul. “The Romantic Metaphysics of Don DeLillo.” White Noise Text and Criticism Edited by Mark Osteen. Penguin Books, 1998.

Moffatt, Mike. “White Noise Process Definition – The Significance of White Noise in Economics.” ThoughtCo., 2 April 2018, www.thoughtco.com/white-noise-process-definition1147342#:~:text=White%20Noise%20in%20Economics%20%26%20in,relationship%20with%20any%20other%20phenomenon

Osteen, Mark. “Introduction” to DeLillo, Don. White Noise. Penguin Books, 1998.

“Postmodernism.” Standford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. 5 February, 2015, https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/postmodernism/#6

Rettew, Bill. “WCU Professor is First-Time Playwright.” Daily Local News, 16 Oct 2018, www.dailylocal.com/news/national/wcu-professor-is-first-time-playwright/article_ c43713e5-059c-59ad-abd3-dfd365fb3759.html

Szetela, Adam. “Fetishism and Form: Advertising and Ironic Distance in Don DeLillo’s White Noise.” European Journal of American Studies; London Vol. 13, Iss. 2,  (Summer 2018). DOI:10.4000/ejas.12950

Potential Novel Planning: The Dark Side of Yuma

Story Structure:

The Dark Side of Yuma is a young adult fantasy romance novel that will be written in chapters. Each chapter will be written in the third-person limited perspective from the point of view of different characters. For instance, I imagine the opening chapter as being told through the eyes of Ibeji, a traveler in the desert who proclaims that his kingdom extends as far as the eye can see just before he passes out on his camel-like creature from dehydration and exposure to the two suns in the sky. This will actually be a flash-forward. The second chapter will begin in medias res with a young prince Olorun learning of the death of his father the king, mother, sister, and a number of palace staff to a virulent illness.

The death of Olorun’s father is the inciting incident that leads to his crowning, expectation of marriage, and beginning his rule. His one remaining younger brother Kwento survived the sickness and is raised in Olorun’s household. The intricacies of the patriarchal society unfold alongside his first love affair with his young wife as the new king learns to rule. Interesting laws of note include a merit-based society that can only be circumvented by redemption (i.e. wealth), failing to prove oneself results in slavery, and each country must send resources including choice slaves yearly to the service of the religious structure and/or royal family. Interesting customs of note include a living wage for all citizens, freedom of religion and culture (as long as basic laws are met), and clear dark skin bias that is apparent in all transactions. Women prove merit by giving birth to a child and men prove merit by advancing any field as judged by a panel of elders. Olorun’s first wife is unable to bear children, so Olorun begins a quest for a wife who can birth an heir. Daughters do not count, so Olorun ends up with six wives before twin sons are born (an heir and a spare.) The saga of finding wives will be its own storyline that shows the perspective of several different women and slaves in the household.

The inciting incident that leads to the second act will be Ibeji’s birth as told through the eyes of the midwife Abeabah. He is actually the firstborn, but has obvious skin pigmentation issues, so the midwife switches him with his brother and declares Imana firstborn. The same night of the heir’s birth, the king’s brother Kwento and all his family are killed in a house fire. Ibeji must struggle from early on to overcome judgement for his skin issues (a condition like Vitiligo) and being the second-born always runner-up to his brother in his parents’ eyes. He excels in every way and overcomes numerous obstacles on his path to proving himself including earning his manhood by finding the lost crown of Olokun, the goddess of the sea. Several chapters will be written from the perspective of Ibeji’s main slave, other siblings in the royal family including Odafin (a brother from another mother), and Ala the first wife who was never able to give the king a child. The decision of Olorun to retire and crown Imana king creates a conflict for Ibeji. He must decide what he wants to do with his life.  In the midst of all the coronation activities he foils a plot by a radical organization to kill the heir by posing as his brother. His reward from his father is anything he asks for. Ibeji asks to rule some part of their world, to help his brother. King Olorun says that cannot be done. The whole world from the mountains to the sea are ruled by one king. So Ibeji asks to rule whatever is beyond the mountains and the sea. The king consents, believing such a quest to be a death sentence for his son.

Ibeji and his crew set out for beyond the mountains and the sea in act three of the narrative and experience more adventures like shipwreck, cannibals, mountain creatures that steal sight, and an endless desert that drives people insane. The story circles back to the opening scene with Ibeji unconscious, alone in the desert, near death. This chapter is from the perspective of a military woman on patrol who finds him and checks for a pulse. She puts a piece of plant between his bottom lip and teeth, then drags him on a stretcher to a camp. Her thoughts flash back to a memory of finding another man in the desert with a similar tattoo some 20 years past. He pleaded for his wife and children to be saved, but they were all dead by the time they were found. This soldier vowed then and there to search harder and faster as soon as one was found and since then had saved over 88 people from the desert. She went on to fall in love with the man she found and he became her beloved. Flitting moments of consciousness through the eyes of Ibeji reveal that some of his party have also been rescued and the camp they have been brought to is a lush oasis with beautiful women, plenty of resources, and a completely different society than they have ever seen. It is a matriarchal system with women running everything and men being seen as less-than. He is introduced to his uncle Kwento that he had only heard stories of. He is told the truth about his family’s fate, that all are killed with the death of the king or the birth of the next heir. By way of resolution, he and his crew are welcomed into the oasis society as long as they are willing to follow the rules and make themselves useful. The strangeness of this new society is barely introduced by the end of the novel, but enough to pique the interest in another novel to come about The Bright Side of Yuma.

Character Objective: 

Ibeji desires to prove his worth and compensate for his mottled skin coloring. Ultimately, he wants to rule a kingdom.

Scene Breakdown: 

Ch. 1 – Ibeji perspective –  Ibeji is on a camel-like creature the size of a giraffe with zebra stripes the color of sand. He is barely conscious and fading. There is dessert as far as the eye can see. He passes out and falls from the giant creature. The creature keeps walking.  

Ch. 2 – Olorun perspective – The 15-year-old young man is told that his family is dead except for him and his younger brother Kwento. He will now be crowned king, must marry quickly, and begin his reign.

Ch. 3 –  Ala perspective – This young 15-year-old girl falls in love immediately with King Olorun. Their romance is sweet and tender. After an exciting pregnancy, their first son is stillborn. They both grieve, but comfort one another and will keep trying.

Ch. 4 – Sulola perspective – She is chosen as a 2nd wife for Olorun because Queen Ala continues to have miscarriages. Sulola is ordered to give her firstborn child to Queen Ala when it is born; but begin by showing life in her country…peaceful and pleasant, happy family, but she is too beautiful…chosen as the girl to be given to the higher purpose (doesn’t know until she gets to the island that she will be a queen)

Ch. 5-7 – Kwento perspective – tell of Sulola’s daughter, proves self, falls in love with Sulola, gets her pregnant, king marries again and gets wife pregnant, Sulola has not been with the king in a long time so they hatch a plan for her to petition the king to give her a child, go in to the king and get him really drunk, tell him afterward that they had sex, Kwento gets married, son, Sulola has her own daughter (by Kwento), Obba 3rd wife also has daughter

Ch. 8 –Lulu  Isoken’s mother – tells of her daughter being taken 4th wife, gives birth to twin daughters

Ch. 9 – Mobo perspective – Proves self, name changed to Ogun. Chosen as the gift from a country to go to the island because he was the best swordsman. Fine with it because he only wanted to serve. 14 when he proved himself and was chosen. Leaves family behind.

Ch. 10 – Maha  5th wife’s servant perspective – 5th wife, pregnant with son (she believes), did not have a baby within a year, so Olorun took a 6th wife, race to give birth, took herbs to try to have her son come out first

Ch. 11 – Sulola perspective – 2nd wife gets pregnant by Kwento again; tells Kwento she will go with him; then at the last minute goes to the King to be with him to ensure the baby is seen as a prince or princess; does not go with Kwento

Ch. 12 – Abeabah (Midwife) perspective – 6th wife having twins, switches babies at birth (hints of Ogun possibly seeing the switch); 5th wife also gives birth to baby shortly after the twins; news of Kwento and his family fleeing

Ch. 13 – Odafin perspective – best friends with Ibeji and Imana; adventures and scuffles at 9; oldest of 6 brothers; in line for the throne if the twins die; determined to keep them alive because he does not want to be a king. That looks super boring. The twins get a new brother.

Ch. 14 – Ibeji perspective – He decides to prove himself on the greatest quest ever! He wants to find the lost crown of Olokun, the goddess of the sea.

Ch. 15 – Ogun perspective – Tells of the quest. Sailing, battling sea monsters, the treacherous storms of the southern seas, reaching the black snows of the south, finding the cave where the crown has been hidden for thousands of years, and Ibeji retrieving the crown.

Ch. 16 – Ibeji perspective – The long trip home is easier now that they know how to avoid the pitfalls, the arrival home, meeting his new baby sister, and presenting the crown to king. He has proven himself and is now a man. (So has Odafin.)

Ch. 17 – Sulola perspective – She is having secret meetings with her birth daughter that was given to the first wife and their grandchildren because it makes Ala jealous when she sees them together.

Ch. 18 – Ibeji perspective – He goes along with Imana for him to prove himself on a journey to kill the three-horned beast of the eastern jungles. Multiple near death experiences bring them closer together, but Ibeji also starts to worry about Imana’s ruthlessness.

Ch. 19 – Zane (Sulola & Kwento son) perspective – A tournament of champions takes place in the capital of Szansila. Zane wins the bow and arrow competition (proving himself); His brothers win many prizes, too. Imana wins the curved sword competition, but kills his competitor rather than sparing him. Ibeji does not agree with his choice. Ibeji wins the overall competition.

Ch. 20 – Imana perspective – A battle with uprisers has been building. Now that he and Ibeji are 18, they will accompany their father to the lands where some of the troops are fighting. The rebels want the royal family destroyed, their own children not taken as slaves, women to have more equality, and relax the achievement requirements.

Ch. 21 – Ibeji perspective – Rebel woman captured and tells Ibeji tales of a world beyond the mountains where women rule and men are slaves. She is put to death, but before she dies she tells Ibeji his whole family will be dead soon anyway, so there is no point to all that he is doing. Ibeji keeps pondering what she is talking about and decides she was issuing idle threats.

Ch. 22 – Olorun perspective – The battle must be won because the entire economic system depends on unity. He confers with Imana and they decide to slay all who are related to the rebels. I beji does not agree, but his wishes are not taken into consideration.

Ch. 23 – Ibeji perspective – Everyone is put to death whose men partook in the uprising. They squash the 11 countries that have banded together.  They spare the young women as spoils of war to be concubines. Ibeji lets a household live while they are going door to door killing families. His brother comes along behind him and kills them. Ibeji is furious and confronts his brother afterward. Imana demands his obedience as he is his future king. Ibeji stands down.

Ch. 24 – Maha perspective – Imana is preparing to take over the throne and getting married. There is pressure on Ibeji to get married, as well and women are constantly being paraded in front of him as possible wives. Ibeji discovers the plot to kill and Ibeji decides to save him, though he tempted to let him die. Ibeji saves Imana.

Ch. 25 – Ibeji is offered whatever he likes for saving his brother and he asks for land to rule. His father grants him the land beyond the mountains and the seas. He starts planning; the king gives him a sword; Ibeji says his goodbyes.

Ch. 26 – Zane  (Kwento’s son) perspective – He sneaks onto the ship as a stowaway; they head off with excitement; he steals food and hides behind a panel below deck. He sneaks around at night and falls in love with the whole adventure. He is eventually discovered below deck, but they are too far from home to turn around. They will send him back at the next port. Instead, his protector catches up by boat with the message from his mother that he may stay on in the journey if Ibeji will have him. She is not happy, but will let him be a man.

Ch. 27 – Ogun perspective – Land in port town and buy supplies to make it to the mountains; carts and horses, food and drinks. Ogun thinks this is a suicide mission but is with Ibeji to the end. It turns out he likes men…finds a brothel…

Ch. 28 – Odafin perspective – Gnome men are more dangerous than they appear. They must find a way to convince these mighty tiny warriors that they respect them in order to receive their help. Once accomplished by battling them like men, they are able to purchase the mountain equipment they need. They must weather mountain climbing in freezing cold temperatures. They are bundled up in furs, but some die on the mountain, including Ogun who cuts his own line to save Ibeji.

Ch. 29 – Kali  (Woman servant) perspective – They make it to base camp on other side of mountain. She asks if they can just stay there. They purchase camel-type creatures, water flasks, linen garments and scarves that keep the sun from burning the skin. They start out in the rocky terrain, move on to grasslands that still have some pools of water, but it slowly turns to dry ground with cracks and eventually becomes sand as far as the eye can see; Bandits attack and kill a few and steal some camels and supplies.

Ch. 30 – Katsu  (Military Woman) perspective – She is on patrol and finds Ibeji in the sand alive but unconscious.

Ch. 31 – Ibeji perspective – He wakes up at an oasis camp and is introduced to his Uncle Kwento; he learns of this matriarchal system that he must agree to comply with if he wants to live…then he may stay. He decides for his entire group that they will comply and all agree.

Ch. 32 – Maowai (Religious leader) perspective – She speaks to the congregation and says that danger has entered their realm. These are men from another world who claim to have power over women. “When some have come before, we have had to kill them, castrate them, imprison them, and blind them to keep them from hurting us. Nothing good comes from welcoming in this many men. The stars are speaking to me and it is not good.” It is revealed that one of Ibeji’s men has raped a girl, so he is put to death. Ibeji does not intervene because he has agreed to follow their customs.

Ch. 33 – Zane (Kwento’s son) perspective – Kwento realizes the boy is his and begins to ask him about his family. Kwento finds out Zane’s sister is alive and is surprised when Kwento begins crying. He takes Zane under his wing and teaches him the ways of the women’s world.

Ch. 34 – Ibeji perspective – He thanks the women for their kindness, but tells them he must move on because he must find a land he can rule. The women laugh at him because men don’t rule. Some of his group decide to stay with the oasis women, but the rest head off and are given their weapons back because they have earned trust. Maowai stares in disbelief and shakes her head cursing as they leave.

Significant Story Points: 

  • The exposition could be considered chapters 2 through 11 since the character of interest is Ibeji and he is born in chapter 12. It will give the background, customs, history, and family lines of Ibeji to make his entire saga make sense. This is intended to be a 3-book series, so it makes sense to have quite a bit of background.
  • The climax is the collapse of Ibeji when he seems to fall to his death in the desert.
  • The falling action is Ibeji waking up in the oasis camp and learning the fate of his crew and the strange world he has found.
  • The denouement is Kwento’s discovery that Zane is his son.
  • The resolution is Ibeji’s willingness to learn the ways of the women, but still wanting to travel on to find the place he can rule.
  • Tension and resolution:
  • There are multiple points of tension between Ibeji and his brother as they are finding that they would rule in different manners.
  • There is tension as King Olorun marries woman after woman in hopes of the birth of a son and his plans are constantly thwarted. There is finally resolution when three boys are born on the same day.
  • Tension occurs between the 2 mothers of Ada and is only resolved by secrecy.
  • Tension exists between the families losing their children to the ruling class and religion. It will lead to conflict in the form of rebellion and war.
  • Tension occurs when Kwento runs away and asks Sulola to come with him. She must decide whether to stay in safety or go with her true love. The resolution is heartbreaking when she decides to remain.
  • Tension occurs in the scene with the rapist who cries out for Ibeji to save him from the death penalty, but Ibeji honors his commitment to the women of the community.
  • Conflict of Characters:
  • The main conflict is within Ibeji as he is deciding what he wants to do with his life since he cannot be the ruler of the land.
  • He must also deal with the conflicting ways in which society judges his skin condition, though he is in a position of privilege by birth.
  • He also has conflict with Imana because he does not agree with the way he wields his power.
  • The wives have conflict amongst themselves.
  • There is war that is literal conflict. It is also ideological because the rebels are wanting to change key human rights laws and make the world a safer place for all people, including women.
  • When Ibeji makes it to the world beyond the mountains and the sea, his entire world view conflicts with a matriarchal society.
  • Impact of Conflict:
  • Ibeji is forced to look at the reality of his father’s rule and his brother’s intentions as ruler. He is able to formulate the possibility of a different way of governing.
  • Ibeji begins to question the skin-biased culture in which he lives and begins to reconcile power and humility within himself.
  • Ibeji is still struggling by the end with the conflict that the Queens create. He does not know the answer, but has begun to believe that his father’s way is not the best.
  • He fights in the war, but begins to question his beliefs when confronted with valid arguments of the human rights abuses committed so that he can continue his way of life.
  • His mind is blown and he is still reeling at the end of the novel from the matriarchal society he has found. It is hinted that he assumes this is a strange little microcosm he has found and more than likely will be able to carve out his own kingdom elsewhere, which implies he still has more to learn in the next novel.

Setting Details – Place and Time:

This story takes place on Yuma, a planet in the galaxy Tamashi Hoikuen. Yuma is part of a binary solar system with five planets total. The orbit of Yuma around the two stars is widely elliptical creating 10-hour cycles of light and dark. Yuma has two moons, Chikara who orbits Yuma, and a moon’s moon Iwa who orbits Chikara. At any given moment, there may be two daystars and two moons in the sky, or none at all. Stars from their own galaxy and beyond are always visible when it is dark.

Only the eastern hemisphere of the planet will receive much attention in this first novel because it is telling the story of the dark side of Yuma. The main character Ibeji will traverse his known-world on adventures proving himself on missions of greatness. The known-planet holds a wide variety of climates (mostly inhabitable) with countries varying in culture, language, diversity of appearance, clothing, and traditions. Ibeji is from Oba Island and grew up in a mild climate with very short winters and very long summers in which to surf and enjoy adventures on and around the pristine beaches. His immediate siblings and his mother have their own castle on the island with a connecting mote to the main palace. Their mother can close the drawbridge at will and post her own guards if she needs to feel more secure. In technological advancement, an equivalent era to Earth might be the 16th Century, though advancements in astronomy are limited due to severe religious restrictions. The printing press exists and the entire hemisphere uses a common written language and sign language, though many others exist, as well.

I chose Yuma because I wanted to create a world from scratch that was half dark, half bright like the yin yang symbol. The dark side is a patriarchal society and the bright side is a matriarchal society. I want there to be strengths and weaknesses to both sides that can only be balanced when they decide to help one another.

Time and Profluence:

Each chapter will tell the narrator, legal and illegal dates in history to help keep track of the constantly changing perspectives and the timeline. For example, the first chapter title will include Prince Ibeji’s name, Year 1 King Imana’s reign, Year 10,021 Forbidden Calendar. The second chapter will go back in time to Prince Olorun, end of King Oyelowo’s reign, Year 9,984 Forbidden Calendar.  For profluence, my intention is to using active verbs that indicate activity implying passage of time. In travels I will show people having to cover their eyes with masks to sleep even though it is light outside because it the time of sleep. Meals will be served, chores completed, plans hatched and carried out. The pace of the story should pull the reader to the end of the chapter and make them want to keep reading on to the next.

Story Development:

My main character will need to be born in a privileged setting to survive his skin condition in a society that values darker skin. Yet, it is also his position that will give him the training and power to possibly do something to help others in similar situations to his own someday. A hemisphere hemmed in by tall mountain ranges and seemingly impassable oceans, capped by deadly black snows, and no one with the desire to adventure beyond creates the perfect setting for someone who feels they have nothing to lose and everything to gain by proving themselves so dramatically. Ibeji is convinced land exists if he can overcome the obstacles and has the resources to attempt the journey. Only then can he find a world that is in some ways the flip side of his own and come to terms with the belief systems he has based his entire worldview on.

Archetypes:

  • Light v. Darkness – though I hope to flip this one a bit, with strengths and weaknesses existing within both lands. The bright side will have desserts, white sand beaches, and paler waters due to the currents on the planet.
  • The Threshold – Each challenge will essentially grant Ibeji entrance to another phase of his journey.
  • Innate Wisdom v. Educated Stupidity – Some things the servants are capable of will save Ibeji, surprising him (though I wouldn’t call him stupid and hope to live.)
  • Heaven v. Wilderness – Short stays in safe places will be welcomed rest and recuperation before venturing out on dangerous quests as part of the overall journey.
  • Water v. Desert – The story begins with Ibeji dying of thirst, and ends with him being rescued and taken to an oasis. Water will save him (and a strong woman carrying the water.)

These archetypes fit with the characters and journey undertaken to get Ibeji from one world to another and make him a better man because of it. It will still take another novel to make him fit to rule, but he will be on the right track.

Character Sketches:

Prince Ibeji Character Sketch

Prince Ibeji is the twin spare heir to the throne with a skin condition similar to vitiligo in a society that is positively biased toward darker skin. At the start of the novel he is 20 years old, 6 foot 5 inches tall, and his muscled frame is dressed in the remnants of a white turban and linen desert clothing to protect from the sun. The left half of his face is a deep ebony, but the other half is mottled with pale splotches. When the turban slips from his head, his thick dreadlocks fall halfway down his back, half stark white, half black. Ibeji’s posture belies training in formal etiquette, the lift of his chin and no fear of direct eye contact are indicative of royal blood. His insistence that people look at his face rather than away from him shows the internal struggle he continues to fight to overcome the prejudice and personal embarrassment at being so marked. He overcompensates with extreme achievement and is the best at a number of sporting events including surfing, fighting with the dagger, several instruments he has chosen to master, and one branch of mathematics that he took an interest in. He is fiercely loyal to his family and loves his baby sister (who is 6 at this point) more than anything on earth. He feels the need to continually prove himself to his father King Olorun and is willing to risk his life to find a kingdom to rule even if it means traveling beyond the known boundaries of his planet.

Character Profile

Basic Statistics

Name: Prince Ibeji son of King Olorun and Queen Jol
Age: 20 at start of novel, then goes back in time to his birth
Nationality: the royal family does not maintain a nationality as they rule the entire world
Socioeconomic Level as a child: wealthy
Socioeconomic Level as an adult: at the start of the novel, he is moderately wealthy for his world, but extremely wealthy for the new world he has “discovered”
Hometown: Oba Island
Current Residence: homeless wanderer roaming the desert on camel-back
Occupation: Prince; N/A
Income: money has never been an issue for him because he was born into royalty and is given all he needs or wants
Talents/Skills: dagger fighting, sports in general and specifically surfing, mathematics, several instruments
Salary: N/A
Birth order: 1st born, but he thinks he is the 2nd born twin
Siblings (describe relationship): twin brother Imana, close but competitive and begin to have different ideas about ruling that start to drive a wedge between them ; half-brother Odafin, very close – probably his best friend besides his twin; 11 year old full brother, 17 year old full sister, 6 year old full sister (that he adores); 7 half-sisters, 8 other half-brothers, 2 cousins that he thinks are half-siblings, but are actually fathered by his Uncle Kwento
Spouse (describe relationship): N/A
Children (describe relationship): N/A
Grandparents (describe relationship): deceased
Grandchildren (describe relationship): N/A
Significant Others (describe relationship): N/A
Relationship skills: suspicious of authentic kindness as he assumes everyone is judging his vitiligo or is only being polite out of obligation to his rank

Physical Characteristics

Height: 6 foot 5 inches
Weight: 230 pounds
Race: Oba race (black skin)
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: half black, half white
Glasses or contact lenses? N/A
Skin color: black with vitiligo, left half of face black, other half mottled with pale splotches
Shape of Face: chiseled, strong jaw
Distinguishing features: vitiligo, thick dreadlocks that fall halfway down his back, half stark white, half black
How does he/she dress? Royal garb, but at start of novel in white turban and linen desert clothing
Mannerisms: fiddles with his dagger, posture belies training in formal etiquette, the lift of his chin and no fear of direct eye contact are indicative of royal blood
Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) a bit of a womanizer
Health: strong and healthy – in the prime of life
Hobbies: developing new talents that strike his fancy, pulling pranks on schoolmasters and religious clerics
Favorite Sayings: Words mean nothing; Are you trying to die today?
Speech patterns: formal diction due to training in royal language
Disabilities: N/A
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): finest quality clothing available on the planet, can’t look shabby even when he tries
Greatest flaw: overcompensates for his vitiligo and being the spare heir with accomplishments; distrustful of kindness in others because he thinks they are only doing so out of obligation and are really judging him silently for his skin
Best quality: loyalty, perseverance
Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes: extremely intelligent in an analytical way; closed-minded about the views he has grown up with until some experiences along the way in his adventure to the other side of the world opens his horizons a bit; cocky; thinks he’s the gods gift to women (except for the whole skin thing)
Educational Background: full education that is offered to the royals
Intelligence Level: super smart
Any Mental Illnesses? N/A
Learning Experiences: hands on learner; his adventures teach him even more than the classroom; but also digs into his studies
Character’s short-term goals in life: achieve every possible goal he sets to prove himself to his father the king
Character’s long-term goals in life: rule a kingdom of his own
How does Character see himself/herself? Capable, just needs to be given a chance to ultimately prove himself
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Less-than because of his vitiligo, but he also knows he has earned respect due to his achievements
How self-confident is the character? Extremely self-confident in his abilities, lacking in some self-esteem because of his vitiligo
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Logic, with an undercurrent of emotion
What would most embarrass this character? Admitting failure

Emotional Characteristics

Strengths: compassionate, fair, loyal Weaknesses: easily angered, holds grudges, self-conscious about his vitiligo
Introvert or Extrovert? Ambivert – loves to be the life of the party, but it drains him and then needs time to recuperate alone
How does the character deal with anger? Snaps, then has to apologize
With sadness? Does not admit sadness to himself, buries it
With conflict? Addresses it head on
With change? Very adaptable
With loss? Has not really experienced much loss and doesn’t like to think about it
What does the character want out of life? To prove himself to his father and rule a kingdom – ultimately to prove that he would be a good leader
What would the character like to change in his/her life? Find a cure for his vitiligo, become a ruler, not let his vitiligo bother him
What motivates this character? Achievement, proving himself to others to overcompensate for his vitiligo
What frightens this character? failure
What makes this character happy? Spending time with his baby sister (6 years old at the start of the novel), surfing/being out in nature on the island, family
Is the character judgmental of others? He is judgmental of laziness or lack of achievement
Is the character generous or stingy? He is generous, but he has not really earned any of the items or goods he shares with others
Is the character generally polite or rude? polite
Spiritual Characteristics: He is spiritual and follows the religious customs of the royal family; he is not above being a little sacrilegious for a laugh, though
Does the character believe in God? yes
What are the character’s spiritual beliefs? The gods determined the patriarchal order of the world, as well as the royal order of his family and the way each country is to contribute to the monarchy
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character’s life? both
If so, what role does it play? It is a very important part and will ultimately be a crisis for him when he finds another world with other religious beliefs
How the Character is Involved in the Story: he will end up being the main focus by the end of the novel
Character’s role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): hero
Scene where character first appears: opening scene
How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: he has been humbled, thrown into a completely different world than he expected, but still determined to reach his goals and undaunted by the obstacles ahead of him

Prince Kwento Character Sketch

Prince Kwento is the only brother of King Olorun, the uncle of Prince Ibeji. He disappeared the night of Prince Ibeji’s birth, though he has quite the interesting backstory. He was orphaned at age 11 and grew up under the rule of his brother being schooled by the prophets, clergy, and educational system on the royal island. He grew to be a sturdy figure 6 feet tall with brown skin the color of dark caramel. He wears the traditional dreadlocks, though he keeps them a more manageable length since he does not think he will ever rule. He is skilled in painting and poetry, though he is also an expert longbow marksman. Kwento is romantically inclined, his head in the clouds at times about falling in love and finds himself smitten with a beautiful girl who turns out to be his brother’s betrothed. (She will be the 2nd wife.) Kwento tends to question the ways of tradition much more than most and it gets him into trouble often. Kwento yearns for freedom from the old ways and rigid structure of palace life.

Character Profile

Basic Statistics

Name: Prince Kwento son of King Oyelowo and Queen Fadekemi
Age: he is 11 when he is first seen in the novel; when he is reintroduced at the end he is 47
Nationality: the royal family does not maintain a nationality as they rule the entire world
Socioeconomic Level as a child: wealthy
Socioeconomic Level as an adult: at the start of the novel he is one of the wealthiest people in his world, when he is reintroduced, he is poor
Hometown: Oba Island at the start; reintroduced at an oasis camp
Current Residence: Oba Island
Occupation: Prince; N/A
Income: money has never been an issue for him because he was born into royalty and is given all he needs or wants; he will learn to work to survive by the end
Talents/Skills: painting, poetry, expert longbow marksman
Salary: N/A
Birth order: 2nd born son spare heir, 3rd born child
Siblings (describe relationship): King Olorun – some animosity because his brother became an authority figure over him when their parents died, though just the day before they had been scuffling in the courtyard; 2 sisters – one older, 1 younger – both died when his parents did 
Spouse (describe relationship): Eriayomi – cordial, but not a relationship of passion; becomes all about the children; was in love with his brother’s 2nd wife Sulola and that was a relationship of passion
Children (describe relationship): from Eriayomi – son 7, daughter 4, son 1 (all killed around those ages); from Sulola – Adana daughter 27, Zane son 19 (they do not know he is their father)
Grandparents (describe relationship): deceased
Grandchildren (describe relationship): has 3 grandchildren that he does not know about because he fled the country; he will find out about them when he reconnects with Zane at the end of the novel
Significant Others (describe relationship): he is now in a strong relationship with Katsu, a military woman who patrols the deserts in the world “discovered” beyond the mountains and the sea
Relationship skills: super romantic, girls fall for him easily, easy to talk to, kind

Physical Characteristics

Height: 6 foot
Weight: 195 pounds
Race: Oba race (black skin)
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: black
Glasses or contact lenses? N/A
Skin color: black (brown the color of dark caramel)
Shape of Face: square, strong jaw
Distinguishing features: caramel skin color and dreamy brown eyes
How does he/she dress? Royal garb and kind of likes pretty things, but at end of novel he looks rugged, windswept, and a bit tattered; clothing is more about necessity than appearance
Mannerisms: daydreams, stares off into space formulating poems and picturing how he would paint whatever he is looking at
Habits: (smoking, drinking etc.) falls in love too easily
Health: strong and healthy
Hobbies: painting, writing poetry
Favorite Sayings: Quotes of the great poets of old like “Fire licks water to create love steam”
Speech patterns: poetic, rambles a bit if given the chance
Disabilities: N/A
Style (Elegant, shabby etc.): likes elegant dress at the first, but not by the end
Greatest flaw: easily angered
Best quality: protective
Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes: creative, extremely intelligent verbally; open-minded about the views he has grown up with and the possibility that other ways might be valid; loves women;
Educational Background: full education that is offered to the royals
Intelligence Level: smart
Any Mental Illnesses? Some depression
Learning Experiences: reader, gets all of his information from books
Character’s short-term goals in life: love women and create art
Character’s long-term goals in life: survive
How does Character see himself/herself? As a survivor
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? Less-than because he is the spare heir; expendable
How self-confident is the character? self-confident in his appearance and verbal abilities, lacking in some self-worth because he is the spare heir
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Entirely by emotion
What would most embarrass this character? Being unable to perform sexually

Emotional Characteristics

Strengths: romantic, gentle, caring
Weaknesses: easily angered, lets his romantic urges take over instead of thinking things through
Introvert or Extrovert? Introvert – enjoys one on one conversations, but prefers to be alone reding and painting
How does the character deal with anger? Snaps, then has to apologize
With sadness? Struggles, cries, lingers over the sadness
With conflict? Tends to avoid
With change? Struggles with change, wants things to stay the same
With loss? Struggles, has never gotten over losing his parents, sisters, then eventually his wife and children. His whole life is characterized by loss, but he doesn’t know how to manage it.
What does the character want out of life? Peace and safety
What would the character like to change in his/her life? He would love to have a relationship with his children
What motivates this character? Love
What frightens this character? Fear that he won’t be able to protect his family
What makes this character happy? Being in love, being with his children, art, poetry
Is the character judgmental of others? somewhat
Is the character generous or stingy? He is generous, but he has not really earned any of the items or goods he shares with others; at the end he is generous with his lack and that is more telling
Is the character generally polite or rude? polite
Spiritual Characteristics: He is spiritual and follows the religious customs of the royal family, though he questions often and does not agree with everything
Does the character believe in God? yes
What are the character’s spiritual beliefs? He believes there must be some truth to common threads in the religion of the two halves of the world, but he is not sure of exact truth; he has come to believe in kindness as a guiding principle
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character’s life? More spirituality now
If so, what role does it play? It is part of why he runs
How the Character is Involved in the Story: he will end up being the person who tells the main character the truth about his family and their destiny. He will motivate the main character to eventually return and save his family.
Character’s role in the novel (main character? hero? heroine? Romantic interest? etc.): uncle to the main character and moral balance
Scene where character first appears: chapter 2
How character is different at the end of the novel from when the novel began: he has been humbled, thrown into a completely different world than he expected, and has found what really matters in life

Character Interaction

Prince Ibeji and his Uncle Kwento will not meet until late in the novel, but the information Kwento shares with Ibeji will send him into a tailspin. Kwento proposes an overthrow of the kingdom in order to save the lives of people Ibeji loves. It will make him question his faith in the world he knows. Ibeji wants to find his own kingdom to rule, but Kwento makes a case for returning home to rule.

Proust Questionnaire

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Ibeji – It is known by all that I recovered the lost crown of Olokun for the honor and glory of my father King Olorun and to seal my manhood. However, I am most proud of saving my brother from certain death at the hands of radical misandrists. I could have let nature take its course and I would be planning my own coronation, but I remained loyal and upheld the nobility to which I was born.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Ibeji – My loved ones safe, a beautiful woman by my side, the sun on my skin, surfing all afternoon before taking a nap on the beach while lessers fan me.

What is your current state of mind?

Ibeji – Excited, eager, impatient to head out on the greatest quest a man has ever undertaken. I will either gain the world or die trying.

What is your favorite occupation?

Ibeji – I am not a shamed lesser. I was born to the ruling class. This must be a list of questions for commoners.

What is your most treasured possession?

Ibeji – My father gave me a jeweled scepter that has been in our family vault for centuries to take with me on my quest. I will use it to rule when I am sitting on my throne beyond the mountains and the sea. It is priceless. But if I am honest, the only object that is on my person at all times is my dagger given to me by my mother when I was 12. It has proved the most useful and most valuable of all my belongings.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Ibeji – My baby sister Tujuka. She is five and is the most joyful person I know.

What is your favorite journey?

Ibeji – The one I have yet to take.

What is your most marked characteristic?

Ibeji – My skin curse has marked me as second born. People must show me respect because I am a prince, but I see the disgust and judgment in their eyes, nonetheless.

When and where were you the happiest?

Ibeji – It was the moment I arrived home from earning my manhood at 14 years old. My mother had given birth to my baby sister while I was on my journey and she was rocking the little one to sleep when I surprised her with my arrival. I could see the pride in her eyes. Then she laid the baby on a cushion, got down on her knees, and placed her forehead on my feet. It was the first time my mother showed me due reverence as a grown man. Later, before presenting the crown to Father, I slipped baby Tujuka into the crown. Her whole body fit through it like it was a giant golden suit of armor. She began to bubble with laughter like only babies can do and my heart was filled to bursting. 

What is it that you most dislike?

Ibeji – Judgment from others.

What is your greatest fear?

Ibeji – Failure.

What is your greatest extravagance?

Ibeji – I’m not sure I understand the question. I partake of what I am owed by divine right. Nothing is extravagant. It is as it should be.

Which living person do you most despise?

Ibeji – Cleric Abiola. He knows why.

What is your greatest regret?

Ibeji – That I never met my Uncle Kwento who died the day I was born. I am told I am like him in many ways. 

Which talent would you most like to have?

Ibeji – I do not need to wish. If I desire a skill, I hire the greatest teacher, devote myself to the practice of it, and master said skill.

Where would you like to live?

Ibeji – I will live in my own palace in the world beyond the mountains and the sea.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Ibeji – I would imagine being born lesser and unable to prove yourself worthy.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Ibeji – Loyalty.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Ibeji – Beauty.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Ibeji – That I let others’ opinions of my skin bother me.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Ibeji – That they are bothered by my skin.

What do you most value in your friends?

Ibeji – I do not have friends. I have brothers and lessers.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

Ibeji – I do not read fiction. That is for women.

Who are your heroes in real life?

Ibeji – I have no heroes. I make my own fortune.

Which living person do you most admire?

Ibeji – Myself.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Ibeji – Patience. How many more questions are there?

On what occasions do you lie?

Ibeji – When women ask if they are my favorite.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Ibeji – Are you trying to die today?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Ibeji – Being born second.

What are your favorite names?

Ibeji – Tujuka (my sister) and Jol (my mother)

How would you like to die?

Ibeji – With honor. Perhaps defending my own throne.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

Ibeji – A moon.

What is your motto?

Ibeji – Words mean nothing.

Theme Development:

One main theme I would like to explore in this novel is the need for constant approval in a merit-based society where every person’s worth is dependent on achievement. There is not room for people who lack ambition to be at peace in this world. It will create a culture of constant competition and outdoing what has been done before. This will build animosity within families and social groupings and lead to disastrous consequences as people risk everything to be the best. This will be seen between Ibeji and Imana and others within the royal family. Because women must bear children, their worth is entirely based on reproductive abilities, which will lead to dangerous treatments, life-risking procedures, and women taking their own lives rather than becoming slaves. It could also lead to infant trafficking and all sorts of other evils to trick the system. These ideas will be explored in act one of the novel, especially as regards the six wives of King Olorun. The meaning I hope readers will gain is that people should be accepted as they are rather than requiring achievement or progeny to be of value.

Because the elaborate structure of the royal family invites competition and resentment between the different wives, children, and slaves, the question of loyalty also becomes a theme. The reader will hopefully value the eventual loyalty of Ibeji to his brother and the loyalty of people like the midwife to her women. She will be depicted as a fighter for female sovereignty. Some of her methods that seem questionable will save lives and ultimately keep people safe. Odafin (Ibeji’s brother from another mother) will be a constant companion in his adventures and will prove to be one of the most loyal characters in the book. He is third in line for the throne and has multiple opportunities to kill Ibeji in order to become the spare heir, but is steadfast in his fidelity to his best friend and brother Ibeji. The meaning imbedded in developing this theme is that loyalty to beliefs, honor, and integrity are noble.

Revisions:

The following feedback has made its way into my revision process:

(From Jeanne)

  • Kwento is already likeable since he is an artist, poet, and romantic. He needs to have more flaws like jealousy for the thrown, or he wants to do away with the old traditions, but he thinks way outside the box. Like instead of the “old ways,” he wants to have free love incorporated where anyone can sleep with whomever they please. All the babies conceived would be taken care of communally. Something along those lines.
  • As far as Ibeji goes, maybe he can also have a short temper that he works on controlling because of his insecurities. 

(From Kody)

  • Giving the character a color-coded condition like vitiligo has a lot of sociopolitical nuance behind it, and as a white person I don’t consider myself qualified to comment overmuch on it. Because you’re writing fantasy, though, you do have a bit of power here. Because it’s closely tied with a real-world phenomenon, changing it overmuch might dilute the message you are trying to send about body acceptance or societal pressure surrounding vitiligo. You do not have to be accurate to the real world, but whether you want to or not your story will be compared to the real world. The movie Bright, for instance, drew some scrutiny when it made its orcs (a fantasy species generally portrayed as brutish, savage, and ugly) heavily coded as Black. Even though the orcs were made up, the fact that it tied orc stereotypes to Black stereotypes sent a negative message to some people. So, if you’re trying to send a message about Black beauty stereotypes or vitiligo, adding something extra to it (unique eye colors) might dilute that message! It’ll definitely be worthwhile to see how vitiligo is handled in other characters. Is there something you would gain by giving him heterochromia that would make it worthwhile to your story? If it’s simply an aesthetic choice, I’d say drop it and focus more on how vitiligo affects him, making that aspect of your story stronger.
  • I’d recommend checking out books or other media where a main character struggles with acne, since it’s also a skin condition that has a lot of stigma attached to it. Just as vitiligo was once conflated with leprosy, acne is often assumed to be from uncleanliness or poor health, and acne can be immensely damaging to one’s self-esteem. Of course, if you can find a source on vitiligo that would be even better, but those may be harder to find unfortunately

(From Dariusz)

  • after I finished reading your Book Description/Plot Summary: I would love to see you at least hint on what are Ibeji’s ‘constant achievements’ in the book’s description?

The following feedback has been evaluated and I have decided not to implement it:

(From Dariusz)

  • P.S. When I first looked at your post’s title, my thoughts went straight to Arizona 🙂 I know it isn’t a biggie, but is that something that you are at all concerned, as far as the audience and the marketing of your book?

I am honestly still considering changing the name of the planet, but have not yet come across a name that works using the Japanese definitions I am going for. Yuma means “Calm truth” in Japanese. I like the idea of that for the Yin/Yang concept I am going for that will culminate in meaning in the 3rd book of the series. I have not ruled out changing the name; I simply have not found another one that mean something significant for my story. Dariusz makes an excellent point (especially since the name will be in the title.)

Goals Statement:

I have never planned out my entire novel with chapter summaries before. I have simply started writing and seen where it takes me. This method feels more structured and gives me hope that I will create something with much more thematic value that also takes the reader on a better-defined journey. For example, while planning the chapter summaries the half-brother Odafin surfaced as a key witness to the main character’s adventures and made me realize he should narrate a chapter.

The Proust Questionnaire was an excellent exercise to explore my character that I have never done before. Taking the time to get to know my main characters before jumping into the story has created layers of personality that will hopefully produce better-rounded characters in the long run.

I have also never delved into the setting as intensely before. This exercise has made me excited about creating a fantasy world and made me believe that I have a shot at actually writing a fantasy novel. This is a first for me and I am as nervous as I am excited!

Receiving peer feedback was nerve-wracking, especially because it was during the formation process. I am used to sharing pieces with others after I have perfected them, but this was a much more vulnerable experience. Surprisingly, I found it affirming and helpful. The suggestions made by fellow writers were spot on for consideration and shared in a spirit of mutual growth. I would love to find a community to write with in the future that could be equally supportive.

My goal now is to begin crafting portions of the story that seem crucial to character development. Because I have spent so much time working on Ibeji (my main character’s) part of the story, I would like to jump right into his part of the book, which is actually about 1/3 of the way in. Then, as I realize I need bits of history to make sense of things, I will go back and work on his father’s story. That may be a bit backward, but it seems logical to me as a way to start. I am going to set a goal of writing at least one scene or chapter every week to keep the momentum going.