Tag Archives: death

Gone Girl

AI Generated image I prompted on Gencraft.com https://gencraft.ai/p/URdCYb

This winter, my cat Chika died. She wandered out to a far corner of our property to meet her maker. She did as cats are wont to do, sparing her beloved humans the trouble of witnessing their passing. My granddaughter found her and Facetimed me, distraught, tears streaming down her 10-year-old face. She had been missing for a week, and I assumed the worst. A once fat cat, her weight rapidly declined over the preceding month. She had been sickly all eight years of her life with constant upper respiratory infections, allergies, and asthma. Because of her, I now know what cat sneezes and coughs sound like. I became attuned to her different variations of wheezing, knew which ones were minor and which ones warranted a vet visit. Nothing we can do. Another steroid shot might help. A round of antibiotics. Let her live her best life.

I’m surprised she lived as long as she did. I don’t think it was a pleasant existence for a cat, but the vet did not think she was in so much discomfort that she should be put down. Her purring during the exam, passing their breathing tests, and fat physique reassured them that she was as ok as a sick cat could be.

She was afraid of the outside for the first two years of her life. The other cats would encourage her to join them on a jaunt around the yard, but she would sit and watch through the glass door. One day, we left the door propped open with a chair and let them come and go freely for a few hours. They had the best time entering and exiting at will, no need for humans to open anything. The two older cats decided it was high time that the younger, less experienced of the pack join them. They spoke the magic language of cats, convincing her it was safe, then one or the other of them sat by her side as she took her first tentative steps onto the porch. However far she felt comfortable venturing, one of them was right by her side for a good 30 minutes or so. It was heartwarming to watch.

Chika probably had pica. She loved to lick plastic shopping bags if she could get her paws on one, and another cat owner told us it was like a drug addiction to the chemicals on the bag, that it would give her a bit of a buzz. I was unable to find research to back up that claim, however. More likely, she liked the texture, and her brain told her it was something to put in her mouth. Whatever the reason, we had to be careful with plastic bags and make sure none were left out anywhere that Chika could access them. She also sucked or chewed on soft blankets as she was kneading them with her little cat claws.

She hated to be brushed. She wasn’t much on cat treats or fancy wet cat food or even human food. She preferred her dry food, and keep it coming, thank you very much. She expected the bowl to always be full, so she could eat when she felt like it. She was not really a big fan of other animals and took her sweet time getting used to any new ones who entered our home. Even after years of knowing a “new” animal, she might hiss at them if they ventured too close. She decided the dogs were tolerable because she could sleep with them, and they were warm. She liked the sleeping in a pile at night snuggling with others, but by day, she wanted her space.

Chika was hot or cold with affection. She mostly permitted pets when she was in the mood. She liked a warm lap, but the lucky person was selected by her, and the chosen one had no say in the matter. She jumped up, settled in, and waited expectantly for pets. It did not matter if you liked cats, wanted a cat in your lap, or preferred to be left alone. Once she decided you were going to pet her, you might as well get it over with because she would not leave you alone until you did your job. She would look at you with the most severe expression that made you feel at once judged and found unworthy. Hers was a stern cat face. She couldn’t help it. It was just her face, but her countenance gave the impression that everything and everyone were somehow annoying her by their mere existence.

I think she might have killed a bird once in her younger days, but mostly she watched them in the trees, inspiring dive-bombing mothers and cacophonies of threatening bird chatter. She sat under trees where squirrels fussed at her just because she knew it annoyed them. Though she did not have the energy to chase them, she loved that her presence could affect them so.

My heart hurts knowing she has left this plane of reality, though I am comforted by the knowledge that she no longer has to labor to breathe. I never have to trick her into taking medicine again or pin her down so I can attempt to give her a breathing treatment (not an easy accomplishment.) No more late-night searches through the house to make sure she is inside and safe before we lock up. Still, it is hard to say goodbye to someone with whom you’ve spent the last eight years of your life. My tears are selfish. I’m the one who will miss her grumpy, sick, uncomfortable, curmudgeonly, snotty presence. I have a feeling she was relieved to finally bid us all ado. Yes, my girl Chika is gone. May she finally rest in peace.

Rebekah Marshall @Home Studio

Beauty became a surrogate mom when we adopted Chika. From left to right, Sassy, Chika, Beauty.

Sleeping with Aiko and Kenji for warmth.

Tolerating Julian’s love.
Too scared to go outside with Charlotte.

On the threshold, stepping out, encouragement to be brave, looking back for reassurance.

Chika stayed by Grandad’s side in the weeks after my Mema’s passing. It seemed like she knew he needed comfort. The other image is her at her fattest, living her best fat cat life (before we had to start a little bit of a healthier diet.)

poor your soul (A Book Review)

To be raw and real in the retelling of your own most vulnerable moments creates a profound intimacy in memoir. I don’t know if I’m brave enough to write one. Mira Ptacin explores her own fears and feelings of shame and grief around the death of her brother as a teenager and the loss of her baby in her 20s. She weaves a beautiful tribute to her mother who emigrated from Poland and built a life with perseverance and grit here in America. Americans did not make it easy on her.

The subtle twists and turns of growing up, beginning to relate to your parents as fellow adults, discovering that your childhood perceptions of them may have been misconstrued, and finding internal peace in the process are themes that resonate with me, as I have experienced this with my own parents, and now have adult children going through this phase of life with me. Though I have never had to experience the same kinds of grief as Mira, her example of leaning on her loved ones, finding her own path forward, and being gentle with the healing process (however long it takes), makes me hope I can do so with the same indomitable spirt as her, if I am ever tasked with such a burden.

I probably would never have chosen this book, had I known how much of the story centered around the awful experience of having to make decisions related to ending a pregnancy, so I am glad I was unaware because I would have missed out on so many threads of beauty and love. And every scene that includes her husband is superb. He tends to steal the scene, as he is depicted as sincere, silly, and supportive in all the right ways.

Rebekah Marshall @Home Studio

Ptacin, Mira, poor your soul, SOHO Press, Inc., 2016.

Jimmy Carter

(Poem 357 for 2024 – I am writing a poem a day)

A righteous man puts others before himself,
serves his community with humility and grace,
and is faithful to his vows, both to God and man.

Born on a farm, no running water, no electricity,
salt of the earth, family man, believer in human rights,
treating people with dignity, and freedom of religion.

He was the first president to talk about climate change,
an environmentalist at heart, a lover of the earth, supported
renewable energy by putting solar panels on the White House.

He signed legislation to manage hazardous waste,
protected over 100 million acres of Alaskan land,
and more than doubled the National Park System.

He passed the Ethics in Government Act to protect
whistle-blowers, established FEMA, and was part
of some of the first emergency planning in America.

He created the Departments of Education and Energy,
and established full diplomatic relations with China,
which created the basis for our world economic system.

He championed human rights around the world and was
the first president to focus on these issues and appoint
a woman as Assistant Secretary of State for Human Rights.

Mr. President Jimmy Carter is the first president I remember,
his serious face talking about important things on our black
and white television on every single channel, interrupting.

That’s how different it was back then; when the president
spoke, everyone stopped what they were doing to listen.
I was enamored of this kind man with gentle eyes.

I knew nothing of politics, nothing of the burdens adults endured,
but I knew that this sincere man was doing what he could
to make the world a better place with every ounce of his soul.

Rest in peace, Sir; your debt to the world has been paid
with every house you helped build, person you lifted up,
oppressor you held accountable, and kindness you shared.

@Home Studio – 357th poem of the year

Runner ups for the Jimmy Carter photos to accompany my poem:

I miss you when…

(Poem 313 for 2024 – I am writing a poem a day)

Mema and Baby (One of her neice Sarah’s grandbabies.)

Washing my hands in your sink
Sitting in your chair
Writing on your notepad
Answering your phone
Cooking breakfast for Grandad exactly the way you showed me how
Peeling a tangerine
Putting away your dinner plates that stack so easily from the dishwasher
Making a cup of tea
Reminding Grandad to use his cane
Hearing certain doors open in the house
Something cute happens with the kids
I’m sad
I have a big decision to make
I have a success I want to celebrate
I get stressful news

@Home Studio – 313th poem of the year

Día de los Muertos

(Poem 307 for 2024 – I am writing a poem a day)

AI Generated image I prompted on Gencraft.com https://gencraft.ai/p/CZkXrg

Death is a part of life.
Altars of favorite foods
photos of the deceased
marigolds, candles, incense
family picnics at the graves
opportunities to connect
to ancestors and remember
their part in our story
and that they are still with us
and alive in our hearts.

@Home Studio on 11/2/24 @ 10:20pm – 307th poem of the year

Runner ups for the Día de los Muertos photos to accompany my poem:

Swamp Souls

Trigger Warning: Sensitive content concerning human trafficking and death.

(Poem 303 for 2024 – I am writing a poem a day)

“The Storyteller” AI Generated image I prompted on Gencraft.com https://gencraft.ai/p/r8MeBA

Back when people
owned people in Georgia,
Samuel ran.
Tore up bare feet
pounded the ground
that thick, steamy night
while the moon hung
heavy like a big ol’ eye
watchin’ the swamp.
The ol’ bone creak
of low branches
made his heart pound.
Creepin’ through
the underbrush,
the slave catcher hot
on his trail, Samuel
felt a sudden chill,
like a cold hand
layin’ heavy on the back
of his neck that sent
a shiver down his spine.
Samuel glanced back
to see a pale glimmer,
chains draggin’ in the mud,
and hear, “Keep runnin’,”
from lips that never moved.
The slave catcher
saw her, too, and stumbled
in the muck, into the open
arms of the swamp;
the more he thrashed,
the further he sunk,
and had anyone been
watching, they might have
seen hands reachin’ up
from the twistin’ trees
dragging him below.
Come dawn, Samuel
was breathin’ free air,
and that slave catcher
stayed wrapped up tight
in the arms of the swamp
souls, a warning that people
who try to catch people,
get caught.

@Home Studio – 303rd poem of the year

This poem was a collaboration between ChatGPT and me. I thought I would share the process so you could see where I got the storyline for the poem:

My Prompt:

generate a short spooky story that is set in the 1800s in the American south in the gothic style of Edgar Allan Poe that involves a runaway slave getting to freedom and a bad slave catcher dying

ChatGPT Tale:

In the depths of a humid, oppressive night in Georgia, beneath a moon that cast pallid beams through the Spanish moss, a man named Samuel crept silently through the tangled underbrush. He had been running for days—barefoot and raw—but tonight was different. Tonight he felt a chill in the air, though the night was warm, a chill that gnawed at his bones and made the shadows press in.

The swamps around him whispered secrets in the rustle of leaves and groan of branches, but he could not stop; he dared not look back. His mind was set only on freedom, and yet, like a hound on his trail, the slave catcher, Jonas Crow, was not far behind, his lantern flickering like a fiery eye.

But something strange hung in the night air—an eerie hush broken only by the hoot of an owl. Samuel heard footsteps in the darkness, close but unseen. He glanced over his shoulder, feeling as though unseen eyes lingered in the shadows, watching, waiting. Then, he heard the soft patter of boots through the swamp, but it wasn’t Jonas this time. No, it sounded lighter, almost like a child’s footsteps.

Jonas trudged behind, muttering curses, a flask in one hand and his pistol in the other. He paused, lantern high, casting long, creeping shadows. He bellowed Samuel’s name into the night air, his voice echoing off the trees like a death knell. But Samuel did not answer; instead, he stumbled deeper into the swamp, driven by a force both fearful and fierce.

Suddenly, the shadows seemed to grow, twisting and writhing in the half-light. A cold wind swept through, and for the briefest moment, Samuel saw her—a woman’s ghostly figure, pale as alabaster, bound in chains that trailed in the mud behind her. Her eyes met his, and though her mouth did not move, he heard her whisper, “Keep running.”

Behind him, Jonas paused, catching the same spectral glow from the corner of his eye. He squinted, blinking rapidly. Then he shook his head, cursing Samuel as he pressed forward, the chains of the phantom now clanking ominously. But as he waded into the murky swamp, his foot snagged on something deep below the surface, and he stumbled, his lantern swinging wildly.

Panicked, Jonas yanked his leg free, only to find himself sinking deeper into the black mire. He screamed, but his voice was swallowed by the night as pale hands rose from the depths, grasping his legs, pulling him down inch by inch. The specter appeared once more, her face contorted in a sorrowful smile, as Jonas’s screams grew muffled, replaced by the sound of gurgling water and the murmur of voices rising from the grave.

When dawn broke, Samuel was miles away, safe and breathing the clean, open air. The swamp held its secrets, and somewhere, in the heart of that darkened land, Jonas Crow remained—a warning to all who would haunt those who sought freedom.

My Prompt:

can you rewrite the story with most of the same words, but add in some dialect as though being told by an old woman from the south?

ChatGPT Tale:

Well, now, let me tell ya somethin’ ’bout the ol’ swamps down in Georgia—’specially on them thick, steamy nights when the moon’s hangin’ heavy like a big ol’ eye watchin’ the land. That’s the kinda night it was, way back when a man named Samuel was runnin’ for his life, runnin’ for freedom with bare feet all tore up, and a mighty fear in his heart.

See, Samuel’d been runnin’ for days, and them days had been mean to him. But this night here? Oh, it was different, child. There was somethin’ wrong in the air, like a cold hand layin’ heavy on the back o’ his neck, even though the night was as warm as the devil’s breath. He kept pushin’ on, creepin’ through the underbrush, glancin’ over his shoulder now ‘n then, with that dark look in his eye. ‘Cause back there, somewhere, was that no-good slave catcher, Jonas Crow, stalkin’ him like a dog with a scent.

Well, as Samuel moved deeper into them swamps, he started to hear things—rustlin’ leaves, them low branches creakin’ like ol’ bones—and then, just as quiet as a whisper, footsteps. Only, these footsteps was strange, lighter than Jonas’s big ol’ boots, almost like a child runnin’ barefoot. But Samuel knew better than to turn ’round. His mind was set on gettin’ outta there, straight into freedom, but those footsteps… child, them footsteps made his heart pound.

Meanwhile, that no-good Jonas Crow was sloggin’ through the mud, cussin’ and yellin’ Samuel’s name to the trees, his lantern throwin’ long, crawlin’ shadows that stretched like they had minds o’ their own. Jonas was an ugly man, drinkin’ outta his flask and holdin’ his pistol like he owned the whole night. He didn’t know it, but the swamps had done took a likin’ to Samuel—an’ they was not gonna let Jonas have his way, not this time.

As Samuel crept through them woods, he thought he saw somethin’ strange: a white glimmer, like moonlight that’d took shape. There, just barely in sight, stood a woman, pale as a ghost, chains draggin’ in the mud. He looked at her, and though her lips never moved, child, he heard her clear as day: “Keep runnin’.”

Jonas, now, he saw somethin’ too. He paused, squintin’ at a flicker outta the corner of his eye, shakin’ his head like he’d seen the devil himself. And maybe he had, for all we know. But he just went on, slingin’ curses like stones, that lantern swingin’ wide, tossin’ those twisted shadows in every which way. Just as he took a step, he felt his foot catch on somethin’ hidden deep under the muck, and he went down hard, right into the swamp’s open arms.

Jonas tried to yank his leg free, but that swamp was hungry, and it had a mighty appetite for his kind. Before he knew it, he was sinkin’ lower, a pale hand reachin’ up from the black water to drag him down inch by inch. He screamed, oh, he surely did, but all his hollerin’ got swallowed by them thick, twistin’ trees. And there she was again, that pale woman, lookin’ down at him with a sorta sad, ghostly smile.

Come dawn, Samuel was far from that place, breathin’ the free air, just as the good Lord meant him to. As for Jonas Crow? Well, child, he stayed in them swamps, wrapped up tight in the arms o’ them souls who walked ‘fore him, a warnin’ to any other man who’d think to come hauntin’ after folks seekin’ freedom.

My Compliment:

Wow! Impressive!

Their Response:

Thank you so much! I’m thrilled you enjoyed it! Writing in that Southern Gothic style really brings the story to life, doesn’t it? Let me know if you want more tales like this—or anything else!

Eulogy for Aiko

(Poem 302 for 2024 – I am writing a poem a day)

Our sweet girl fell asleep
for the last time yesterday.
She was our timekeeper,
door alarm, friend, snack
stealer, companion, guard
who would play with any
trespasser, reluctant auntie
to many small animals
including kittens, a puppy,
hamsters, and a possum,
our deer chaser, pond
swimmer, pack leader,
bossy lady, fluffy fluffer,
treat eater, snow lover,
couch layer, baby protector,
Charlotte’s sister, smart girly,
whose faithful, consistent,
steady, sincere, gentle, easy-
going, curious, loyal, loving
nature made our family
a stronger pack and we
will be forever grateful
for the love she gave
so generously every day.

Aiko is survived by Kenji, Chika, Cotton Eyed Joe, and Kylo from her fur pack and was especially close to Charlotte and Julian, who were honorary members of her pack because they were children during her lifetime. Charlotte and Aiko were born the same year and grew up together.

@Home Studio – 302nd poem of the year

More Aiko Pics:

Haunted House

(Poem 295 for 2024 – I am writing a poem a day)

AI Generated image I prompted on Gencraft.com https://gencraft.ai/p/eoKAqu

There once was a house
with a fence in the woods
where the children never dared to go.

They believed in a tale
full of spooky old ghosts
and wolves whose eyes would glow.

One Halloween Eve
in a game of Truth or Dare
some children ended up at the gate.

They were laughing so loud
that they did not even see
the ghost who would decide their fate.

She watched them push
one terrified little boy
to enter the yard and ring the bell.

The poor boy cried
as he walked to the porch
each step like a hollow death knell.

The ghost howled
which alerted the wolves
eager for a scrumptious evening meal.

The boy who was forced
to touch the haunted house
was the only child who survived the ordeal.

@Home Studio – 295th poem of the year

September 11th

***Trigger Warning/Content Warning – graphic violence, suicide, death, dying, world tragedies

(Poem 256 for 2024 – I am writing a poem a day)

I was exercising on an
elliptical machine at the
local YMCA and watching
the television off and on.
Some new movie was
advertising, that I would
never see, where buildings
blow up and planes crash
and there is not enough
dialogue to satisfy me.
The longer the images
flashed on the screen,
the more real the footage
took shape as something
awful, a thing less from
Hollywood, and more
from a living nightmare.
New York, Twin Towers,
a second plane, a third
plane hit the Pentagon,
a fourth plane was headed
for the capital but went down
in a field in Pennsylvania.
The world was coming
apart at the seams, and I
had to get home to my
children to hold them.
When what looked like
debris, but turned out to
be people, began falling
from the windows, my
beliefs forever changed.
To hear people judge and
decry the actions of so
many facing certain death,
my heart leapt with those
who grasped what little
personal choice they had
left in their final moments,
and I wept as one by one,
some holding hands together,
they made the plunge to
the beyond like rockets
shooting to space in reverse.

Several images are seared into my brain. One is the image of the Falling Man, taken by Associated Press photographer Richard Drew, which looks as though the man has thrown himself as a spear at the earth, defiantly facing death on his own terms. “The picture went all around the world, and then disappeared, as if we willed it away. One of the most famous photographs in human history became an unmarked grave, and the man buried inside its frame—the Falling Man—became the Unknown Soldier in a war whose end we have not yet seen.” – by Tom Junod

@Home Studio – 256th poem of the year

Junod, Tom, “The Falling Man – An unforgettable story.” Esquire, 9 Sep. 2021, http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a48031/the-falling-man-tom-junod/